Chris Banner closed his eyes and placed his rough hand on his forehead while he thought about his past.

His past is full of struggles and misunderstanding.

"I am different from other people," Banner said.

The tall and stout Banner, 65, works in the Department of Music in McCain Auditorium. When music majors or K-State Marching Band members need their instruments fixed, they call Banner.

What makes him different than most people around McCain is he has a social disorder called Asperger's Syndrome.

People with Asperger's struggle to sense what people are thinking. They also have a hard time making friends and communicating. These symptoms are something Banner said he has

GETTING TO KANSAS Banner grew up in Hawaii, where he earned his bachelor's degree and played in the Honolulu Symphony, but while he was there he said he struggled with his disorder. He said he did not know what made him different, and it took a toll on his emotional life.

"I hated myself at times," Banner said. "Way back in '66, I tried to kill myself because I didn't want to keep fighting."

But in 1967, an event changed Banner's life and started his path toward understanding. The Honolulu Symphony hired a new conductor, which left Banner and 39 other musicians with no jobs.

Banner decided to "get a new start in life," and he moved to Chicago in 1968. There he met his wife, Betty. While Banner said the two were complete opposites, they clicked as soon as they met.

Banner said Betty worked with the Red Cross as a nurse, and when she was transferred to Fort Riley, they moved to Manhattan.

FINDING OUT Banner said he had seen doctors about his social disorder for years, but was never diagnosed or got better. In 1989 or 1990, he started to take Prozac and things began to clear up.

"I began to work better, and I was able to do things that I wasn't able to do before with my mind," Banner said. "But I was still different from other people, and I didn't know why or what to do about it."

About five years ago, a friend of Banner's - who was a special-education teacher in Kansas City - called him and started to ask him some questions.

"When I got through answering them, she said she thought I had Asperger's," he said. "I never heard of Asperger's before. So I got busy and researched it out and decided, yeah, that is what it was."

Banner said research gave him a new way of looking at himself. He said it made him understand the way he was.

"I can now say that I am different from other people and there is nothing I can do to change myself," he said. "There's no reason to. That it's OK to be what I am."

Banner said he has not stopped researching Asperger's. He goes to a parent support group in Manhattan. There, he tells parents what he knows and what he thinks, which he said he thinks helps them.

Another way he tries to spread the message about Asperger's is with a play he wrote about what it was like growing up with the syndrome.

"Some students here put it on at a couple different support groups," Banner said. "It was well received, but that was the end of it."

He said when they play was performed he was "terribly afraid" to tell people about himself and what the real problem was.

"They might just view me as strange, as one teacher called me," Banner said. "I was afraid for people to know about this, but I got to thinking, 'There is nothing wrong about this.' It was a tremendous relief."

LOVE OF WORK Banner has worked at K-State since February 1971. He said his job description does not really cover everything he does. He said he fixes instruments, tunes pianos, takes care of computers and stereos, and he does inventory.

"Basically my job is to help the department run well with its equipment," he said. "To that I've added making the department as good of a place as I can. So if a visitor comes and he's lost, I make a point of taking him where he needs to go."

He also said he moves furniture for people. Over the years, he has made cabinets and benches for McCain, as well.

"He is kind of the general go-to man around the department," said Gary Mortenson, department head of music and professor of trumpet. "We really lean on him pretty heavily."

Mortenson said working with Banner is like working with any other person - he is just "wired a little bit differently."

"By and large he is a very valuable member of faculty," Mortenson said. "If Chris wasn't here, it would affect a lot of different people and a lot of different things that we do."

The main people Banner works with are students. When their instruments break or when they need something, he is the man they come to.

But fixing the instruments has not been difficult for Banner, because working with his hands is what he said he enjoys the most.

Communicating with younger generations, however, sometimes prove to be difficult for both Banner and students.

"It is hard to talk to him, but you just have to slow down to speak to him," said Doug Niccum, senior in graphic design and a member of the K-State Marching Band.

Banner said he developed his own way of helping himself to communicate. Over the years, he said he has conjured up ways to talk to students. He has used those ideas to make it easier to approach them.

Whether it is hard to communicate or not, the students said they still appreciate what he does for the department. "He makes things a lot easier," Niccum said. "He is always there to help."