Book celebrates manhood in hilarious, potentially offensive ways

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Thanks to the magic of the Internet, a gem fell into my eager hands recently in the form of a book by Marty Beckerman. The title of the book says it best: “The Heming Way: How to Unleash the Booze-Inhaling, Animal-Slaughtering, War-Glorifying, Hairy-Chested, Retro-Sexual Legend Within… Just Like Papa!”

How could I pass that up? So I began reading and soon I was in pain from laughing too hard. I had wanted desperately to get this book read and reviewed in time for Father’s Day, but unfortunately I was out of town for a week due to a family emergency. However, it should be noted that I believe any time is a great time to give somebody a gift they’ll cherish. If you’re not much for gift-giving, try to think of it as a health aid. Laughter is the best medicine and I can’t think of a better way to say “LMFAO” than this book.

Part biography, part irony, part how-to, all hilarious, “The Heming Way” is a testosterone-fueled celebration of masculinity. Sort of the male response to “The Feminine Mystique,” only with more guns, booze and dead animals. I was impressed by Beckerman’s extensive list of sources he cited, proving you can be professional in your use of dick jokes. Kudos.

Just how offensive is it? Take this nugget of joy, for example: “A meal without meat is like sex without an orgasm. No wonder so many women are vegetarians!”

Or this valuable advice about hunting strategies: “It’s like sex: make sure you’re aiming at the correct part of the target’s body, and resist the temptation to discharge prematurely. And then, to check whether your conquest is unconscious, ‘with extreme caution, tap him on the rump with the butt end of your spear.’ Yes, just like sex.”

If those did not make you chuckle evilly, this book is not for you.

Why, you might ask, did I read this book and enjoy it so much, in spite of the fact that I am female? Two reasons: I love Ernest Hemingway and I have a sense of humor. Frankly, I don’t think you’d even necessarily need to be a fan of Hemingway to enjoy this book, but you do need the ability to laugh at politically incorrect and potentially offensive jokes, because Beckerman does not hold back and neither does Hemingway. I say “potentially offensive” because humor is in the eye of the beholder, so what might make you cringe might make me guffaw, and vice versa.

For that reason, I would recommend any woman to buy this for the man they love, whether it be her father, brother, husband or therapist, but I would not recommend she read it. Just accept the fact that you’ve done your good deed for the year and move on. On the other hand, Beckerman does have a hilarious and impressive collection of hate mail proudly displayed on his website, martybeckerman.com, so he probably wouldn’t mind either way.

I give “The Heming Way” five out of five stars. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, it’ll change your life. Well, maybe not, but you’ll certainly find it memorable.

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