Slightly sarcastic Fake Patty’s Day horoscopes

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PISCES

Feb. 19 – March 20

“Drink like a fish,” is only an expression. Remember that this Fake Patty’s Day.

ARIES

March 21 – April 19

Think you can get away with hanging at home on Fake Patty’s Day? Think again. Your friends have something arguably more fun planned and you’ll inevitably get dragged into their shenanigans. You’ve been warned.

TAURUS

April 20 – May 20

Expect the unexpected this Fake Patty’s Day. The stars say any situation has the potential to become sticky on Saturday, so good luck with that.

GEMINI

May 21 – June 20

You have Fake Patty’s Day off work, but you won’t have anyone to go out with. Don’t worry, though. You’ll be glad you opted to sleep through the chaos.

CANCER

June 21 – July 22

Fake Patty’s Day will not be a great day for you to go out. The stars advise hiding out in the comfort of your own home until the madness ends.

LEO

July 23 – Aug. 22

There are better places to snooze than the sidewalks of Aggieville. You don’t need the stars to tell you that to know it’s true, but just a friendly reminder.

VIRGO

Aug. 23 – Sept. 22

Oh, sorry … did you want to remember Fake Patty’s Day 2017? The stars say that’s not going to happen, pal.

LIBRA

Sept. 23 – Oct. 22

This Fake Patty’s Day, the rest of the town will be just as much of a hot mess as you are, so don’t be afraid to really be yourself all day.

SCORPIO

Oct. 23 – Nov. 21

How many shots can you do in 10 minutes? The stars honestly don’t know, but they say we’ll all find out Saturday.

SAGITTARIUS

Nov. 22 – Dec. 21

You know how you get on days like Fake Patty’s Day. Try to appreciate the fun in moderation this year — for the greater good.

CAPRICORN

Dec. 22 – Jan. 19

Even you won’t be able resist the call of college this Fake Patty’s Day. Live it up on Saturday or forever hold your peace.

AQUARIUS

Jan. 20 – Feb. 18

Remember last Fake Patty’s Day? Of course you don’t. I was going to tell you not to repeat the same mistakes this Saturday, but …

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Danielle Cook
Hey there! I'm Danielle Cook. I'm currently a freshman in journalism and mass communications. I live for telling true stories, so I hope to be doing it for the rest of my life. Luckily, I also live for late nights and early mornings – as long as there's coffee and I'm in good company.