It’s really a good thing you’re cute because your recent hot-headed behavior would not sit well with us otherwise.
March 21 – April 19
We know you know all the answers. Know-it-all.
April 20 – May 20
According to our calculations, you’ve spent approximately 63.79 percent of your life dead asleep. Just so you know.
May 21 – June 20
Who spit in your cereal? One of your roommates, probably. Avoid munching on cereal for the rest of this week, just to be safe.
June 21 – July 22
You’ve been worrying about your hair a lot lately, and honestly, you should. Tame the mane.
July 23 – Aug. 22
Yeah, you can just kiss sleeping soundly goodbye for this week. This is what you get for spreading yourself too thin — yet again.
Aug. 23 – Sept. 22
We know flirting is your favorite pastime, but flirting with fate? You’ve turned it into an art. Good thing you know what you’re doing, right?
Sept. 23 – Oct. 22
Your attitude is a recipe for disaster. We dig that. Don’t you change a thing.
Oct. 23 – Nov. 21
We weren’t going to tell you this way, but we can’t watch this anymore. Your whole life is one very long dad joke. This should explain a lot.
Nov. 22 – Dec. 21
You have absolutely zero time to relax. Which is fine because you’d suck at it anyway.
Dec. 22 – Jan. 19
We like to give you a hard time, but it’s only because you’re secretly our favorite sign. Except for when you listen to obnoxiously obscure music, which is always.
Jan. 20 – Feb. 18
Yikes, you are just not going to be very photogenic this week.