I’d say, “Happy Taurus season,” but there’s not really about to be anything happy about it, to be honest.
April 20 – May 20
You’ve been feeling under the weather lately, but…yeah, there’s not really a but. You’re just going to keep feeling under the weather for a while.
May 21 – June 20
If nostalgia’s hitting you hard this week, just let it happen. We all know you secretly love wallowing in the past, anyway.
June 21 – July 22
How much would we have to pay you to stop talking for a few seconds? Name your price, Chatty Cathy.
July 23 – Aug. 22
How do you feel about bangs? You should get bangs.
Aug. 23 – Sept. 22
Everyone tells you you talk too much, but an admirer finds your lack of ability to keep your trap shut kind of endearing. What a weirdo.
Sept. 23 – Oct. 22
Silly Scorpio! Tricks are for kids. You’re a grownup now, so it’d be in your best interest to lay the facade to rest.
Oct. 23 – Nov. 21
We know your secret — you haven’t done laundry in like two weeks. But that’s OK because you still have a shining personality.
Nov. 22 – Dec. 21
Drop everything and take a nice little trip to Canada this weekend. Better get going before your 17,237 responsibilities catch up to you.
Dec. 22 – Jan. 19
Laugh all you’d like, but you’re really no cooler than the rest of us, and not-so-deep down, you know it.
Jan. 20 – Feb. 18
You’ve made frenemy in someone you believe to be generally unassuming. Probably because they could sense you silently labeling them as generally unassuming.
Feb. 19 – March 20
The signs are everywhere and you, our precious little oblivious cupcake, are just missing them all. Pay attention.