Slightly final horoscopes

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TAURUS

April 20 – May 20

You should’ve started studying like four weeks ago. LOL.

GEMINI

May 21 – June 20

Part of you wants to study, but part of you wants to go cause utter chaos in the lives of others just for something fun to do while procrastinating. Ugh — being two-faced is so full of tough choices.

CANCER

June 21 – July 22

If you’re thinking that you’re going to pass all your finals with flying colors, think again, friend. Think again.

LEO

July 23 – Aug. 22

You’re used to getting what you want without even trying, but has that ever applied to finals — ever? We go through this every year. It won’t hurt you to crack a book.

VIRGO

Aug. 23 – Sept. 22

Do what you want. Unless what you want is to drop out of college a week before finals to become a stripper. Don’t do that. But everything else is fair game.

LIBRA

Sept. 23 – Oct. 22

Winging it again? The stars should advise against this, but winging it generally works for you, actually. You should write a book — “The Lazy Sign’s Guide to Getting By.”

SCORPIO

Oct. 23 – Nov. 21

You should just plan on marrying rich. (Hint: Capricorn literally never stops studying. Ever.)

SAGITTARIUS

Nov. 22 – Dec. 21

You should get an award — you are a master procrastinator. You make it look like it’s easy or something.

CAPRICORN

Dec. 22 – Jan. 19

You look like you haven’t slept in like 37 years, but hey — you’ll be looking real appealing when you pass all your finals now and Scorpio is still looking to marry filthy rich down the road.

AQUARIUS

Jan. 20 – Feb. 18

Look at it this way: you become a total hermit, hiding away from the world and studying to the point of near-insanity all week, but you also don’t totally want to cry as soon as you see the first question on your final.

PISCES

Feb. 19 – March 20

Hope you like the library because the way things are looking right now, it would be wise set up camp in there for the rest of your days before finals. You might actually make some friends who are as miserable as you are.

ARIES

March 21 – April 19

The exit is on your left if you’re thinking of charming your way into some extra credit before finals. I mean … honestly, it’d probably work on us, but your professors are strong. They will have none of your shenanigans.

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Danielle Cook
Hey there! I'm Danielle Cook. I'm currently a freshman in journalism and mass communications. I live for telling true stories, so I hope to be doing it for the rest of my life. Luckily, I also live for late nights and early mornings – as long as there's coffee and I'm in good company.