Fun and flatulence in McCain’s double toilet stalls

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Kyle Hampel and Dené Dryden in the McCain Auditorium's double toilet stall in Manhattan, Kansas on July 20, 2017. (Justin Wright | The Collegian)

For many college students, going to the bathroom is a solitary act of forced meditation and contemplation. There are no friends, no lovers, no professors to provide words of encouragement as your body bitterly regrets all the Chipotle you ate last night.

But what if I told you there was a better way? For Kansas State students, bathroom breaks are not a hurdle that must be overcome alone. In the first-floor bathrooms of McCain Auditorium, dreams come true in the double toilet stalls.

The double toilet stalls, located in both the men’s and women’s restrooms, are single handicap stalls that have two toilets seated next to each other with nothing to separate them. Theresa Breymeyer, office staff member at McCain, said the double toilet stalls are the result of accessibility gone wrong.

“When the university decided that all bathrooms should have a handicap stall, they simply took a [divider] out of the two stalls nearest the wall and put a wider door in,” Breymeyer said. “I don’t know if there are plans to change it or not.”

While their existence may be due to poor planning by K-State, the double toilet stalls provide numerous advantages over a typical stall with a single, lonely toilet inside. It sounds ridiculous at first, but I think a double toilet stall is the best place to exercise your excretory system on campus.

First, the double toilet stalls allow you and your friends to engage in jolly cooperation as you conquer Brown Mountain together. No longer do you have to take turns doing your business. Take your friend on a poop date, and you can hold hands and share the experience of defecation together.

Second, even if you are alone, the double toilet stalls provide a choice that you do not normally get when you decide where to blow your butt trumpet. Do you want the left toilet or the right toilet? Whether you are right-handed or left-handed, you can choose a toilet (and toilet paper dispenser) that best suits your body’s needs.

Third, the double toilet stalls allow you to experience the music of McCain while you are carpet bombing the porcelain sea. You can hear a capella groups singing and jazz bands playing, lifting your spirits as you wipe your dirty bottom.

Fourth, two toilets in one stall make it much easier to deal with the messy aftermath of a night on the town. McCain is within walking distance of Aggieville, so when you eat and drink too much on a Friday night, simply waltz into a double toilet stall with your friends. If bodily fluids are coming out of both ends, you can even use both toilets at the same time for maximum efficiency.

Finally, the double toilet stalls are just another quirk that sets McCain apart from the rest of campus. You can come for the music and the people, but you will stay for the experience of sending cigars back to Cuba in a double toilet stall.

Kyle Hampel is a junior in English. The views and opinions expressed in this column are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of the Collegian. Please send comments to [email protected]

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  • Jaze5000

    I hope they never change it! I’m not sure when the change happened, but it was there before I graduated in 2003 🙂