It all started last week.

I offered to watch my neighbors' six-week-old baby girl for an hour and a half every weekday morning during the time that overlapped while my neighbor had to be at work before her husband got home from his graveyard shift at UPS. My neighbors are wonderful, and I was more than willing to help them out. I was also excited that Emaline would have a little friend to hang out with over this semester (thinking in my weird mommy way that they would end up being friends far into the future). It seemed easy enough; I had my own six-week-old just five months ago.

I, however, had no idea what my new morning routine would be like. It works out well; my neighbor brings over her daughter about the same time Emaline wakes up. Emaline has grown so independent lately, playing by herself for twenty minutes at a time and holding her own bottle during feedings, which I thought would make taking care of two babies a breeze.

I was correct in my assumptions about it being physically simple, but the emotional part of feeling like I'm abandoning Emaline is much harder than I had ever considered.

I'm probably experiencing an excessive amount of mommy guilt, but Emaline just gets this look on her face like "What the hell are you holding?" She's quite used to older kids from day care and from being around her cousins, but the mix of curiosity and jealousy on her face each morning is humorous, but heartbreaking.

Of course, her daddy is there to give her undivided attention, but that I am giving most of my attention to another person is just mean.

She and I will eventually adjust as the "other baby" becomes normal, but for now I must remember it is good for her to not always be the center of attention.

Another unexpected challenge was not knowing what to do with a less mobile, easily-pleased baby.

When Emaline was that age, every parent told me to appreciate that time because it was the easiest stage to take care of a child. I was quick to disregard them, but now, as I try to jingle toys in front of a baby who just wants cuddled and fed, I realize I was making Emaline's care more involved than it needed to be, I concede that those parents were right. It is easy!

Emaline's independence is nice, but making sure she doesn't get into things she's not supposed to, replacing toys she's thrown across the room, and fighting her for the spoon during meals is exhausting, even more than late-night feedings.

I suppose we'll see how Emaline adjusts to our little visitor, and what lessons I learn as I get a chance to re-experience raising a newborn.