Aries Mar 21 - Apr 19
Be very happy you managed to avoid the dreaded "Freshman 15," but be leery because other than 17 alliteration won't begin again until 60. 

Taurus Apr 20 - May 20
You should probably consider thinking about if you are actually contributing to your group.

Gemini May 21 - Jun 21
This week will be good for you, even the cosmos has to throw you a bone from time to time.    

Cancer Jun 22 - Jul 22
You should kick your caffeine habit before it kicks your bank account. No one wants jittery withdrawals.

Leo Jul 23 - Aug 22
Arrogance is the absence of knowledge. Incompetence is proof of arrogance.

Virgo Aug 23 - Sep 22
Sending demanding facebook.com messages is living proof that you have nothing better to do with your life than waste other peoples time.

Libra Sep 23 - Oct 23
Do you remember when who you were going to sit with at lunch was your biggest problem of the day? Weren't those the days.

Scorpio Oct 24 - Nov 21
Everything thing that you read from fortune cookies will come true this week, so use the "in bed" clause sparingly.

Sagittarius Nov 22 - Dec 21
Your archenemy will be revealed to you this week.

Capricorn Dec 22 - Jan 19
You should pick a theme song this week. Listen to it when you walk to and from your classes, if you don't feel like you're in a movie, it's time to pick a new theme song.

Aquarius Jan 20 - Feb 18
This may not be the Age of Aquarius but it certainly is the time for Aquarius.

Pisces Feb 19 - Mar 20
Your hatred of the strange and unfamiliar will leave you branded as a conservative. Your hatred of stupidity will get you kicked out of places unforeseen.

-Compiled by Tim Schrag
 

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