It's supposed to be "I love turtles," not "I love Total." YouTube it.
Can you introduce me to your friend named Mugsy?
This is to the girl in the dark gray Corolla: You are such a ... never mind.
I know someone on Goodnow's first floor who hasn't graduated from high school. Her name is Olivia; she's a couple months old.
I eat apples with a longboard and my name's not Rodney.
I'd like to meet Miranda, only if she's hot.
To the ladies of Sigma Kappa: I spit in the food you eat. Love, your cook.
Why would anybody think that the song "Halo" is good?
Jake lasts 12 seconds in bed.
You don't get fat looking at the menu.
I just saw a guy pick his nose and eat it in Bosco Plaza. Gross.
I know the big boob girl named Lindsey. She flashed me before. I just threw up in my mouth thinking of it.
How stupid are reporters if they ask Tiger Woods if he's really going to go out and try to win the Masters? Seriously.
To the cute guy hanging out in Haymaker lobby: I'm the girl in the dress. We should hook up.
People who make Tim and Eric references in the Fourum are ab-so-lutely awesome.
To Tall Mike at the IT help desk at the library: Are you single?
Fourum, you shouldn't pick up while I'm driving.
I don't think there's a single person in this world who dislikes Weezer's "Say It Isn't So."
The girl at Ace Hardware is too cute to work at Ace Hardware.
I wonder what massive chaos would occur if you left yourself out of the paper one day. Try it!
If you wear white sunglasses, you're probably a frat boy and definitely a d-bag.
To the girl who had her vibrator stolen: I didn't steal it, but I'd really like to meet you.
Kramer is not a fine dining establishment. Eat your food and get out.
Taking two hits in Mitsubishi XP is like having an orgasm every three seconds.
I just fell off my bike in front of a bunch of people and my friend asked if I was going to be called into the Fourum.
To the girl in the athletics training room Wednesday morning: You are beautiful. Are you single? Love, the janitor.
To the girl that almost hit me with the door in Goodnow: Hi.
Hey Fourum, do you like fish sticks? Do you like putting fish sticks in your mouth?
I walked all the way to Cardwell Hall today just to use a stapler.
I have 143 Fourum points.
To the hottie in my 12:30 Expos I class: You looked cute in your North Face T-shirt today. Marry me?
Today I walked past a church with a bunch of people standing outside waiting for a bride and groom to walk out. When the church doors opened, I yelled, "Congratulations!" as loud as I could. It was a funeral. Eff my life.
To the girl in the Fielder parking lot blasting the Hollywood Undead: You're amazing. We should date. Turn it up — I'll find you.
Happy Birthday, Dozer!
Ben Folds has a nice ass. Must be from the piano lunging.
To all Ben Folds concertgoers: Sit down, idiots!
To the guy illegally dancing on the floor at the Ben Folds concert: I want to feel your dance moves.
Did you know if you're redheaded, it means you're an accident and your parents don't even love you?
Ice, ice, baby to go, to go.
Reason No. 26 not to go into architecture: You don't have time to go home for Easter.
Reason No. 9 not to go into architecture: You have to pass physics.
While peeing in the middle of the street with an open container, the fellow on my right says, "I'd better hurry so I don't get a PUI."
This is to the annoying sorority girls talking about how their mom is on Facebook: Nobody cares. Thanks!
Hey, Hale Library English librarian: You're a judgmental loser.
I had to rewrite a paper twice because I couldn't figure out how to say "long and hard" in a different way.
Hey M, show me your utils.
I love judging people at the Derby Dining Center. It's the highlight of my life.
Jesus is died.
To the person who made the frat shoe comment yesterday: That doesn't even make sense! Oh my goodness, that annoys me.
I got to make this quick, my battery's almost dead, but I just saw the most hilarious ...
I just checked out an ugly girl's butt.
There're things in the mist.
If you can't count on your fingers any more, you're a whore.
Cole, sammich, now.
To the girl wearing the light blue pants that say "PINK" on the back: You might be color blind, but you're hot.
To the girl that left her panties in my yard: Thanks, but no thanks.
Whoever came up with Beauty and the Beach should be given a Nobel Peace Prize.
Kansas has a terrible menstrual cycle.
To the guy who says Fort Riley guys don't have real jobs: Why don't you try going to Iraq? Go screw yourself.
Hey, Katy, what are you thinking about?
Hey, there's $100 out there for the first person who can tackle that big blood drop walking around campus.
Don't worry, I see Ron Jeremy on campus all the time.
Whoever drives that Jake 150 with all the lights: You're dumb.
To dead-O: Your slides were too dark.
My pee smells like Golden Grahams. Sweet!
I like fish sticks. Does that make me a gay fish?
Yeah, my friend just called in about fish sticks and being a gay fish. To him, I'd like to say: You know how I know you're gay? You just told that joke to the Fourum.
Fourum, did you know that a lot of hot chicks donate blood?
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