Hey Fort Riley guys, why don’t you get real jobs and let people sleep at night?
The Van Zile crosswalk is not a parking spot.
To all the old people in Manhattan: Don’t give up, OK? Just don’t.
I just saw somebody throw some trash out their window, and it hit the state trooper that was following them.
Buy Fair Trade chocolate tomorrow at the Union.
To the guy in Kramer wearing the girl’s pants: If your testicles aren’t already internal organs, they will be soon.
To the K-State groundskeepers: I was hoping maybe we could get some pest control out here because I live on Goodnow 3, out by the big sycamore tree, and I’m pretty sure there’s a dragon trying to get in my room. There’s a big hole in my screen and I see weird things trying to get in at night.
You want to know what a funny word is? Pickle weasel.
To the girl in Hale Library today who had to ask how to turn on her Internet: You’re gorgeous. I just thought you should know.
You might be a frat boy if you and your girlfriend have matching boat shoes.
To the girl looking for the young bearded gentleman at AJ’s: Was the bracelet a real Livestrong bracelet, or just that type of style?
I seriously think I just saw Ron Jeremy by Seaton Hall. Holy crap.
Christian yoga? As opposed to non-Christian yoga?
Whoever invented the K-State library search engines is going to hell.
To the guy who doesn’t like Emily: Be specific. There are too many Emily’s on this campus.
I saw this really cute guy in Anderson Hall today. He was wearing a T.I. shirt. I love T.I.
What does a Segway have to do with tax preparation?
I, too, would steal a 40-year-old woman’s vibrator.
Does Camel Pants ever change out of his camel pants? Does anyone know?
Here’s the deal: I pay enough money to this university. I’d like toilet paper that I can’t see through.
Sara, get over it.
Juan Carlos is still searching for a soul mate.
To the Pike who always wears V-necks and Lacoste hats: Yelling louder than somebody does not make you right.
This is a message to Andy, the current Calc II instructor: I hope you like watching every one of your students fail because that’s pretty much what’s happening. Thanks, Andy.
To the fifth-floor humpers in Goodnow Hall: My roomie and I wish you would stop having sex once in a while so we could get some sleep.
Physics 115 is the devil.
I just saw a clan of parking nazis and wanted to go bowling with my car. Is that bad?
Kansas State ISIS is processing information while I am processing alcohol.
To the lady who got your vibrator stolen: I found it.
It may be the motion of the ocean, but it takes a hell of a long time to get to England in a rowboat.
There’s 12,000 boys at K-State, and I can’t get one of them.
Pockets! What a great idea.
Is it bad that from here on out, every guy I meet will be compared to Edward Cullen?
Winning Employee of the Month at any business is a good way to be a winner and a loser at the same time.
I think it’s interesting that the word clone also rhymes with alone.
Dear Collegian: I didn’t get laid last night because you spelled my girlfriend’s name wrong.
Can you imagine being a cop that had to take the stolen vibrator report? “Yes ma’am, can you describe the said vibrator?” “Yes, it’s about 14 inches long and on the side it says, ‘anal intruder.’”
You know, when somebody gets their wheelchair stolen, the community gets together and gets them a replacement. Maybe K-State should have a vibrator drive for the poor woman who lost hers to theft.
Let’s see: Stolen drugs, stolen vibrator ... maybe someone’s planning a rave.
Wow, I just saw a guy riding a pink bike. Either he supports breast cancer awareness or he just lost man points.
To the guy with the red car who swerved around me instead of stopping at the crosswalk: You suck.
Ahh, spring. The sun’s out, the birds are singing, and it will probably snow tomorrow. Ahh, Kansas.
It’s called Fast and Furious because it comes between The Fast and The Furious and Too Fast, Too Furious. Duh.
Shame on MCC? Shame on you! Your sign looks like crap!
To the guy in my microeconomics class: Yeah, I ride horses, and yeah, I’m really good.
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