 "Photo: Photo Illustration by Matt Binter")
EDITORS NOTE: This is part one of a five – part series addressing the gay community and its relationship to organized religion. Parts one and two are a profile of a K-State student, whose name was changed for anonymity, who underwent a conversion therapy program as a child. The reference to LGBTQI stands for lesbian, gay, bi-sexual, transgender, questioning and inter-sex.
It all began with a Playboy.
On a missionary compound, the Playboy magazine was far from ordinary and it caused quite a commotion among the teenage boys. Except one: Thomas Swanson, who saw the photos with his friends and felt confused.
"I went up to my dad and just asked him why I didn't like this, but I liked my best friend very much," Swanson said. "I had a crush on him, and that was the first night my dad sent me to the emergency room."
Upon hearing Swanson's question, his father, Mark, continued to punch him until he blacked out and later awoke in the emergency room. This was far from the first time Swanson, a K-State student who did not want his real name be used, had recounted his story of parental abuse and extreme measures to change his same-sex attraction.
An atypical childhood
Swanson spent much of his time as a child moving. While this may not be common for many children in America, for Swanson's family of missionaries it was normal.
By age 13, he had lived in four countries and in more than 10 states. Spending so much time relocating, Swanson formed an intense bond with his family.
"My parents and I have a cement relationship, hours and hours of talking to them each day," he said.
In many of the places he lived, no one but his family members spoke English, forcing them to bond.
Swanson's options for friends and contact with the outside world were limited, as he was home schooled and had only one sibling.
Confused through puberty
The first time his father sent him to the emergency room, the family was living in Florida.
Having shared such a close relationship with his father, Swanson never gave a second thought to asking him about being attracted to boys. His father physically demonstrated his opinion about Swanson's attraction.
"I like to call that the ‘beat the gay out stage,'" Swanson said. "He just kept punching and punching until I blacked out."
This would occur six more times in roughly six months until Swanson's mother, Carol, said the hospital was not going to believe he had tripped or kept falling down stairs.
To this day Swanson said he cannot understand how the hospital did not acknowledge the physical evidence of parental abuse. He said the hospital dealt with the missionary community on a regular basis and he thinks they would never have believed "these Christians who are changing the world" would abuse their children.
"I was screaming trying to get people to listen, and they just said ‘oh he just hit his head,'" Swanson said.
After seven hospital trips and no change in his sexuality, Swanson was confused and in a state of shock.
At this point Swanson said he did not even know what being gay was, or what was happening to him. His parents decided to take him to "therapy."
Reparative therapy in action
Swanson entered the room cautiously.
He remembers the light yellow walls, the bibles stacked on a coffee table, a comfortable couch, and a welcoming man.
Swanson said he cannot remember the man's name, a fact that bothers him to this day, but he does remember the man's gelled-up hair and glasses — a "coffee-shop cool guy look." Swanson still does not know whether the man he refers to as a "therapist" had formal training or certification in the field.
The man shook Swanson's hand and offered no hostility, causing him to think therapy was a much better option than his father's "solution."
Swanson entered a back room and the therapy started immediately.
"He said I was an abomination and the first session he listed all the religious reasons why I was evil," Swanson said. "Which to me actually hurt quite a bit, because I was missionary kid and I had memorized all the verses he was reading to me."
Swanson said although he had memorized most verses the man referenced, he never truly knew what they meant and felt miserable that he was being damned.
The pair met every other week and during the second meeting Swanson was informed about the gay life he led. Swanson was falsely led to believe he had AIDS.
"Because all gay people had AIDS. Then he showed me everything that would happen with AIDS," Swanson said. "He said you've already got this. You're going to die, but we need to make sure you change before you die."
For a 14-year-old who had had almost no contact with the world outside of missionary compounds, Swanson was terrified. He said he believed every word and wished he could change, hoping God would cure him of AIDS if he were to become straight.
Having AIDS was not the only lie his "therapist" told him.
"This is probably the most insane thing I have ever heard but I completely believed it until I got to college. That there were no other gay people in the world, the government found gay children and killed them," Swanson said. "Somehow I had gotten through and the government would find me and kill me. My parents had already told me this, but he concreted it."
As a result of this news, Swanson said he stayed awake for six nights fearful that his life was over.
But now he understands that his parents and the therapist sought his complete emotional and mental breakdown to ensure he would disconnect from his homosexual attractions. He referred to those two months as the "mental torture" portion of his therapy.
is a member of the 
63 comments
it's been done already: Bravo! channel.