What color is a platypus?
What color isn't a platypus?

Come to the dark side. We have cookies.
The Christians seem to have ice cream, though.

In Germany, as long as you don't run over pedestrians, you're good.
In Soviet Russia, pedestrians run over you.

My Collegian in elementary education physics is what red staplers are to Milton.
Excuse me, do you have my stapler? It's a Swingline ... I'm going to burn this place down.

Fourum, I'm sensing a presence of evil in my room and I can't sleep. This sucks. Any suggestions?
Warm milk before bed is supposed to work, but the Fourum-approved alternative is a dash of 80-proof.

I'm pretty sure I won the Ugg game because there were a thousand pairs of Ugg boots sitting in the window.
You're up for a rude awakening. Ugg boots have to be on people's feet to count. Shocking, yes?

If there's a war between the black crows and the squirrels, who will win?
The students.

Do the maids clean the dorms over Thanksgiving break?
That's more of an Underpants Gnome job.

Why is every girl's Facebook status about a new moon? Is that good for ovulation or something?
Maybe? Either that or it creates the threat of being eaten by werewolves.