My Collegian in elementary education physics is what red staplers are to Milton.

To the girl walking through campus carrying a case of pop, a pillow and wearing pajama bottoms: Do you realize it is 3:30 in the afternoon?

Weber Hall is the best place to take a poop, hands down. I guarantee that 90 percent of the time nobody else is going to come in.

Instead of shrinking the Fourum, we could save a lot of paper by shrinking the paper down to nothing but the Fourum.

You're right, eating cows doesn't decrease the number of times methane gas is released each year. We should eat baby seals instead.

Ah, yeah, whoever sat on the remote control and changed the channel to Fox News in the Union today should probably be made to stand for the rest of their lives.

How many ounces does this Captain Morgan bottle have? You can see how many ounces this shot glass holds and divide it by four, and that's how many shots we had each. Thank you. Goodbye.

Dear Beth Mendenhall, random generic insults about your mother. Take that.

To the kid who lost his TI-92 calculator: Yeah, I took it. So what?

I'm pretty sure I won the Ugg game because there were a thousand pairs of Ugg boots sitting in the window.

It was nice knowing No-Shave November, but I'm going to get a head start on Dashing Good Looks December.

Hey K-State students, it's really not that hard to put your shopping carts back in the cart return, and you know it really reflects badly on our school when you don't, so please do.

To the people posing as homeless bums: Texting isn't helping you. Bye.

Hey Collegian, thank God you finally brought the crypto-quip back. It better be there tomorrow.

To the Southern defender last week: What exactly is the South proud of?

Hey Fourum, one last thing: Space out in class with me?

Sometimes I suspect my girl roommate has a penis. I'm kind of worried.

Warning to all: The third floor of Hale is now going to be the loud floor.

Wow, there's some darn good looking girls at the library at two in the morning.

Hey K-State, have a fun time studying while I'm chilling in a beach in Puerto Rico.

Personally, I think it getting dark at five o'clock is just ridiculous.

If there's a war between the black crows and the squirrels, who will win?

Good thing Beth can't have children because she'll never be able to get a boyfriend.

Dear Beth Mendenhall, what were we saying again? ...

To everybody: If you do your research, you'll find that the automobile that is more Amercian-made than anyone else is Toyota. Chevy and Ford use more imported components.

You know, our old friends at the school in the East need a good spanking ... but they'd probably like that.

To the guy walking around campus with a boombox: Keep doing what you're doing, buddy.

Can someone please tell me why in a time of economic crisis and deferred maintenance we are building a brand new leadership building?

Hey now, South Dakota has way more than 300 people.

Yes, I would just like to say that Beth Mendenhall is the most interesting columnist the Collegian has had in years. Like her or not, she does make you think.

Hey, can I borrow a burrito?

Roommate Zack: Turn off your alarm. It wakes me up every morning.

I just saw an Oxy-Clean commercial with a chick in it. It just not the same without Billy Mays.

If you want to make yourself uglier by smoking, that's fine, but please don't make the campus uglier by leaving your cigarette butts everywhere. We have ash trays for that.

To the girl sitting across from me in the giraffe print shirt: We should eat semi-together more often.

I think my girlfriend should get bonus points because she posts her Ugg Game points on Twitter.

If you're actually going to be smart and use the cross-walk, press the dang button, especially if it's dark and you're wearing a dark jacket.

K-State: Where basketball and NIT come together.