If my girlfriend forced me to watch Twilight, I'd dump her.

Come on, parking ticket at 4:30? Come on.

There is no war on drugs, there's only a war on the American people.

I guess Collegian reporters don't have to follow the law. They drive the wrong way on a one-way street and then park in handicap parking. Way to set an example.

Dear cars, I did my part and pushed the crosswalk button at night. Now do your part and stop.

Four square was much easier when we were five. Don't believe me? Try it.

No one should be offended by comments made about the Beth Mendenhall in the Fourum, because I'm not Beth Mendenhall and neither are you. Beth Mendenhall doesn't exist.

Hey Fourum, if you say "beer can" with a British accent it sounds like you're saying bacon with a Jamaican accent. Try it out.

I'm in Puerto Rico watching the Cats. Oh yeah.

Everyone needs to call in their Mark Mangino jokes while they're still relevant.

*Belch* That Thanksgiving dinner was delish. Props to all the cooks and the Van Zile staff. That was awesome.

I resent the article written about the cinnamon challenge. I just passed the challenge.

PBR: Nebraska all the way.

If girls participate in No-Shave-November, it will become No-Sex-November.

So did I not get memo about the "Twilight" premier? I didn't think this was a prom.

So how many points do I get for a tutu, "New Moon" shirt and Uggs?

Hey, is your bottom hungry? Because it's eating your pants.

Live every week like it's Shark Week.

Hey Fourum, what's the best sexual position to create the most attractive baby? Go ask your mother.

Fourum, Fourum, on the phone
You are really, truly alonee

Women with hairy legs are not socially acceptable.

Fourum, smell his hood, he spilled coffee on it.

To my dearest neighbor, Kitten: Hitler was an artist too, before he organized and instituted the genocide of six million people before ending his own life. Good luck.

Grant Guggisberg is a jerk.

Damn you Count Chocula. Because of you all I hear about are vampires anymore.

I just hit an elk on Main St. Merry Christmas to me?

Scratch that, it was a guy dressed up in an elk outfit.

This is one area where I struggle: Being nice to idiots.

To the guy who wears a 59-50 hat in the library with your iPod turned up loud as ... hell: Please turn it down.

Like many college students, I sometimes have graduation anxiety. But then on page seven of the Collegian I discovered that a guy with a name like Dereck Hooker can be an accounting executive for the Kansas City Star. I drink to you, Mr. Hooker. I drink to you.

To my good friend, you know who you are: You're either a shower, or grower.

Hey Zack, I totally hung out with a Taylor Swift this weekend, like I told you I would. What now?

I totally saw that guy with the bow tie and the unicycle also. That guy was so hot.

To the guy who was just outside Goodnow: You're dumb.

There's a fly in my room. I hate flies.

I love taking a poo in the engineering building. The bathroom's so clean.