Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting; he goes killing.

Dear slow walkers, just so you know, I'm not afraid to walk up very close and lurk creepily behind you. So speed up or get out of the way.

Fourum! Don't leave me! I love you! "Twilight" is so emo it glitters in the daylight.

What exactly does the K-State grounds get paid for? The sidewalks are covered in ice, and the roads are covered in ice. Perhaps do your job?

It's negative 12 degrees outside and B104 has the audacity to play "Summer Nights." Really?

To the guy who wants to randomly kiss me on campus: Depends on whether you're hot.

Dear K-State facilities, nature has done a better job of clearing the walks than you ever will.

I just saw my MCC professor run six miles in the 15 degree weather. Let's see a K-State professor do that.

Hey Beth, we looked at your boyfriend and super ugly would be a better description.

Dear D-bag, I definitely saw the light work multiple times.

Beth Mendenhall killed Jesus.

I'd just like to thank everyone who spent so much of their time and effort trying to keep the sidewalks cleaned for us.

To G2: There are more things in life than Super Smash Brothers.

Dear Collegian, why on Dec. 7 did you not write something about the anniversary of Pearl Harbor, but you managed to get an article about unicorns in there? Come on, we need to get a better staff.

Hey, Beth Mendenhall, at least Frank Male qualifies to be listed as part of the staff for the Collegian.

I would like to place an ad for a guy who can two-step, drive a pickup truck and drink beer. Times two.

Dear women of Kansas State University, before you leave your house you should probably check to make sure that you can't see through your pants. If eyes can make it through your pants, so can the cold wind. You're welcome.

Hi, my name is Carl, and I'm Beth Mendenhall's super hot boyfriend.

There's a reason the first floor of the library is the quiet floor. Stop playing music.

I wish recycling was more accessible on campus.

Hello, I'm sleeping outside a fraternity, and I can't have any hard alcohol to keep me warm, IFC. I hate you.

Hey, IFC, hard alcohol's the reason I get up every afternoon.

After reading today's "Twilight" article, I think it is time to express my opinion: Team Edward all the way.

Fourum, don't get lazy on us now; start editing. I'm pretty sure it is school administrators, not school of ministers.

A big thank you to everyone who kept the campus clean during all this snow.

To the guy wearing the trapper hat while driving the Jeep Grand Wagoneer: Your mom called. She said you're gay.

To the guy who clogged the toilet in the student union today: Well done, sir. Well done.

To whoever returned my Batman movie to the library: You rock my socks off.

To Katie, the girl from Phi Gamma Pi, who I walked home with Tuesday afternoon: That was fun. We should do that again.

So we're now playing the Carhartt game. I declare myself the winner because I'm wearing a Carhartt jacket and a camouflage hat with a K-State emblem and a bottle cap opener on it.

If Frank Male and Karen Ingram had a child, the doctor would say "Hell no" and shove it back inside.

I wish there were more Beth Mendenhalls on campus. I hate all these redneck Republicans.

Put the Fourum back on page four before it changes its mind and changes its name to the Three-um.

So, the refs called more fouls than Xavier scored points. Wow.

Today's edition of the Collegian will cause herpes.

People writing articles about Twilight in the Collegian has been dubbed the number one cause of herpes. Herpes. Herpes. Herpes. What's it rhyme with? Gonorrhea!

I think it's pretty bad when you're saying, "Oh, it's one degree; it's warmed up."

Dear maintenance men of Kansas State, thank you so much for getting up every morning and shoveling the sidewalks and putting ice melt down every day for three days.

Thank you for making us go to school and then not clearing off the sidewalks along the way.

One of my guy friends really, really likes one of my girl friends who is taken by a serious boyfriend. Would it be awkward to invite them all up to my apartment to get drunk and resolve all their differences?

Dear D-bag, get it straight. It's coveralls and Kansas City Chiefs jackets.

Last Fourum of the decade; can't hold anything back.

Hey, Beth Mendenhall, everyone just reading your article just dropped K-State's total GPA by two.

To the guy wearing the Mr. Wonderful shirt who I played with at the Rec: I think you're totally gorgeous.

"Women are almost soley responsible for the continuation of the human species?" It takes two to tango, Beth.

Does anyone feel like it's been Noah's ark on campus lately? Seriously?

In today's Beth Mendenhall column, she said women are better because they're better at creating life, but didn't she just have an article about how the Earth's population should be downsized?

To all the very smart people who can't get out of their parking spots: Ha.

I think K-State's a bunch of jealous cry-babies.

Beth Mendenhall, if I wanted you to read my letter to the editors, I would have addressed it to you, but it was addressed to the editors, so you shouldn't have read it.

For all of you who wish to read something important, go elsewhere because the Collegian is not the place to be looking at.