Well, butter my bun.

I love lamp.

Hey, has anyone else heard of this K-State rapper Joe Goll? He is legit.

What does one do when he walks in to his roommate beating off to gay porn?

Dan the ice cream man is back, and he struck at Kramer.

Grease is on fire.

I was unaware that it was cold enough to start wearing Uggs again in Wal-Mart.

I just saw a chick in Wal-Mart with Ugg boots and a guy beating himself up on the way back. That would be a good first day at school.

To the shirtless douche jogging through campus on the first day of class: You're a douche.

Why are you people wearing boat shoes if you aren't on a boat?

Hello Fourum, are those lumberjack pants you're wearing? Because you're giving me wood.

Gotta catch 'em all! Pokemon.

If you don't have the Fourum programmed into your phone, you're nothing. Nothing.

Was your father a mailman? Because you've got a great package.

Hi Fourum. You turn my software into hardware.

If I had a dollar for every time I were drunk ...

Hi ... you're sexy ... can I touch you?

Hi Fourum. If you were a person, would you love me more than the girl I asked on a date who said no to me today? I am drunk.

Fourum, you had me at hello.

Crappytaxidermy.com.

My life is average.

I love Star Trek captains; they enthrall my fantasies.

Hi Daryl with a "Y."

There are 195 bones in the human body, how about you make it 196?

Screw me if I'm wrong, but have we met before?

I got my merit badge in making out.

I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good.

Mischief managed.

Dude, they make Snuggies for dogs now ... whoa.

No, I didn't make a hair doll.

I love K-State. I just gave a tutorial on calling into the Fourum.

Fourum: Let's get it started off right. Wiggly, jiggly balls.

What? Did I just see Ron Chairman at the Union?

Where's my Cryptoquip? I'm not smart enough for the crossword.

I messed up my first phone call to the Fourum.

Hi Cody. I hope you're having a good day.

Get outta here monkeeeeeeeeey!!

Get you some penile drip. Yeaaaaah!

I've learned to never fart in a tanning bed because the fan blows it right back in your face.

My roommate is a slut-muffin.

Varney's should pass out condoms at the front door, because I feel like I'm getting raped every time I walk in there.

My professor just said, "In plain Engrish." This is going to be a good semester.

 

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