It's EMAW not EPAW, now get over it, you feminazi.

Ah! The blackbirds are attacking!

I've never been so sad in my life that the pool is closed. Damn you, K-State, for having maintenance.

I love you, a bushel and a peck, a bushel and a peck and a hug around the neck, a hug around the neck.

If my roommate's boyfriend is reading this, you are a skank-opotamus.

Hey Fourum, I just heard the Dane Cook car alarm, on a real car, which I ran into on a motorbike. Sober.

Hello fats and sororities, I just want to send out a big "Please chao." I meant "chao plane."

Yeah, I'm smokin'. Chao Plane.

Hi! So my birthday cake got stolen and I'm really sad.

OK. This isn't a joke. For the sake of your wallet, don't buy from Sticky Glean Liquors.

I was walking to class and the news camera turned on - oh, I messed that up. I'll call back, bye.

I think my butt totally made it onto the news, awesome.

Sober guys or drunk girls. The guys totally just lost brownie points.

I hear crickets outside my dorm room. It sounds like some little man snoring.

Fifth floor lobby of Moore Hall for line dancing lessons, courtesy of Jessica and Michelle.

My friend made it into the Fourum 11 times in one newspaper, now my goal is 12. Hope you're writing down everything I'm saying.

And I think Dan the Ice Cream Man's butt should be in the news too. I was walking with him.

I got sick at the end of first semester freshman year, the beginning of second semester freshman year, the beginning of first semester sophomore year. Can I just rent a room out at Lafene?

Dear Adam, we must reschedule our wedding. Your 9 o'clock hookah date, playing Frisbee with my floor: those two conflicted. I will see you later. Love always, yours truly.

Dear Alfred, thank you for taking care of me when I was sick. It really meant a lot.

Wearing Uggs with shorts is Ugg-ly.

Who in the hell plays basketball at 2:45 in the morning? Basketball practice hasn't started yet.

Ya'll want to know why girls stress about boys more than they do about classes? Because when we wake up in the morning, we know our class is still going to be there. Lord knows where our boy is going to be.

Me and my shoe-twin are going to Longhorns to dance Saturday night. Any cute country boys going? No tools accepted.

Does anyone know what would happen if the world quit spinning?

Dear Council Grove Graves, I'm going to miss watching you guys play baseball. It was quite entertaining. Good luck on the upcoming season, though. You're going to do great.

To everyone in the dorms: Your mailing address is your name followed by your room number, with your dorm name, Manhattan, KS, 66503. So quit asking.

I know a bi-curious rabbit. His name is Raphael.

So I heard that getting your head stuck in a fence isn't as fun as it looks.

I went to crappytaxidermy.com. There is some scary stuff on that Web site.

Over by Cardwell, there's a big set of steps with a railing down the middle. Use the stair set on the right, otherwise you'll start a traffic jam and probably get knocked down.

Recently it has been said that I'm too Christian. Too Christian for what? To be a Christian rapper? New song soon.

If you and your buddy take turns gelling each other's hair before class time, you might be a frat boy.

If you and your girlfriend share the same earrings, you might be a frat boy.

If you spend more money in the Buckle than most women combined, you might be a frat boy.

If you're riding a bike in the street, you have to stop at the stop signs too.

Hey, I didn't forget to call into the Fourum today. Lucky me.

Tips to get into the Fourum every day: 1. Come up with a clever idea, 2. Fourum, please print this.

Tips for not being a douche: 1. Don't be a frat person. Wait, that's really the only tip there needs to be.

I programmed the Fourum into my phone after somebody told me I'd be nothing without it.

Whoever put the Christian Challenge stuff on the sidewalks, please remove it. I feel it is offensive to God when I walk over it. Thank you.

Cupcake is my hero. That's all.

Bow chica bow wow.

Apparently to get paperwork done at the Financial Aid Office, you have to call them daily.

Alyssa, you are the hottest professor I have ever laid eyes on.

I wish I was cool enough to be darn sexy. Oh wait, I am.

I am going to play "Where's Waldo" with Patrick. That is all. Bye.

So, I get a ticket for parking 30 minutes early, but the guy who parks in front of the "no parking anytime" sign gets nothing. Good job, Manhattan PD.

To the cute guy in the green shirt who helped me find my class in Durland. Thank you so much, I should have gotten your name.

I just heard a good one. Texting while driving is showing a juvenile indifference to public safety and welfare. I really like that. So, stop it.

Does anyone else enjoy the pound of hammers above their head at 7:30 in the morning?

How come my smart-aleck comments never get put in the Fourum?

Hey, I would like to leave a message for the Fourum. Umm. I want it to say, "To the guy who found my wallet in Wal-Mart: thank you, you are my hero."

I hope my roommate finishes every crossword in the Collegian this year. He loves it.