Chivalry is officially dead. Three girls were working on a car and 10 guys walked by without offering to help. Stupid campus guys.

Why you shaking it? Show your package.

Can whoever picked my car keys up off the sidewalk please return them to me?

I have something in my throat.

To the Edward Cullen I hooked up with this weekend: No, thank you.

Twilight lies. Hooking up with a vampire is not fun.

I'm at the library, and some kid and his friend took a picture of one of the guy's crotches. Gross.

Hey, so is the Fourum male or female in gender?

If you found the black wall Saturday, take it to Goodnow and hope it's mine.

Hey, Fourum, I'm sorry. I won't be coming in today because I have the swine flu, but I thought I would call you once just to make you happy. Bye.

Reading the Fourum makes me hate people.

Dear Manhattan, you live in Kansas. You should know how to drive in the rain.

It's opening day of bow season, Sept. 21, and I'm going to class. Hope you're happy, Mom.

Sasquatch owns you.

Creeper: no creeping. Creeper: no creeping. Creeper: no creeping. Oh, man.

Does anybody else think K-State needs tunnels so we don't have to walk in the rain? Either that or just cancel class. That would work too.

I just realized I did four loads of laundry without detergent. Awesome.

The day that showering with the clothes on stops is the day we will stop fighting wars.

Reasons to hate waking up: 1. I had to wake up. 2. Actually got dressed. 3. It's cold outside. 4. Dumb sprinklers. 5. Chugged my Mountain Dew. 6. My spot was taken. 7. Calc sucks.

To the guy in physics who broke the chair: You're awesome.

This is to the lady outside of Hale honking at all the kids crossing: Honking only makes us walk slower. Thank you.

Hey, DHL truck driver, thanks for trying to run me over today on campus. See if I ever pay for your services.

Morfy Morf just commanded the rain to stop, and it did.

Dear City of Manhattan, fix your sewers. All the students hate getting wet when a car hits a puddle. Thank you.

Attention to all P4 male residents: Beware of the naked Russian.

To the girl with the rain boot and actual medical boot on: Sexy, sexy.

If K-State has clubs for everyone, when and where does the Pokemon Masters Club meet?

He's a pepper, she's a pepper, Dr Pepper. It makes the world taste better.

Instead of riding my bike to class or walking to class because it is raining outside, I would ride my jet-pack.

Since when do we let green tree-hugging hippies have a loudspeaker in Bosco Student Plaza? Seriously, K-State, why?

To the guy who looked like a rubber duckie in my Ag-Econ class: Quack.

How does she get those pants on?

Brook, stop lying, you weren't Miss Teen Kansas. Runner up, I believe. 

Brook, first try out being second place, not first.

So, I just came all the way into campus in the rain for a class I don't have until tomorrow. Yep.

Hey, Fourum, I just wanted to remind you that there's more disabled people on campus than just Whyte Lyte so stop using the same picture and him in all your articles. Thanks.

I just saw the guy from the "Mind your haircut" videos driving a white Honda Civic on Claflin.

To all the girls on campus: If you're going to wear Spandex pants, please don't wear granny panties.

Remember, I'm your ride home.

When you see ag students walking around in mud boots you know it's time to start building an ark.

First Ugg sighting of the season. Holy crap, they're starting early.

Yes, I can see that you have a 'fro. You don't need the pick.

Dear Quest Redemption e-mail, I'd like to have my Sunday afternoon back. Thanks.

Yo, Karen Ingram, I'm happy for you, and I'm going to let you finish, but have you ever been happy in your life?

Yo, Bill Snyder, I'm happy for you and I'm going to let you finish, but Carson Coffman is terrible.

I think my roommate might be dancing naked on my bed.

Don't be a tool. Tip your Jimmy Johns drivers.