Like so many people in this great country, I like to believe I have Irish ancestry, if only for a few days. As an adopted Irishman, I am required to do some things, and I have the pleasure to do some others. I love celebrating Irish-American culture, for instance.

The Irish have produced many a good thing. They are responsible for potatoes, which can go into any meal, fiddling and Walt Disney cartoons. Presidents from Washington to Obama have claimed Irish ancestry. The greatest thing to come from Ireland, however, is certainly the leprechaun.

Leprechauns are awesome for many reasons, like their association with Ireland, the gold you can steal from them and the fact that they're lucky.

But first things first. Leprechauns are the one nonhuman creature to get their own feast day. That's right, we owe St. Patrick's Day and all of the drinking contained therein to leprechauns.

If it weren't for leprechauns, Paddy could never have rid Ireland of all the snakes. And we know if Paddy couldn't have managed that feat, then we wouldn't have an excuse to get drunk and kiss complete strangers for one day each year.

St. Paddy's Day is like Christmas for college students. The booze is free-flowing, Aggieville is hopping and the cops are too busy trying to control the crowds and making sure people don't burn everything down to check every report of underage drinking. Of course, drinking that much and leaving tips large enough that the barmaids don't forget about you in the hustle and bustle means using up wads of cash. Don't worry, though, leprechauns can help out with that, too.

Leprechauns, we all know, are loaded. Each one carries around a big pot of gold. Don't worry about how the leprechauns got it; that doesn't matter. What does matter is that it is there, at the end of each and every rainbow, just waiting for us to steal it. Since gold is $1,168 per ounce right now, and leprechauns have an entire pot of it, you can expect to gain quite a bit of cash if you can find a leprechaun. Who couldn't use a little extra money?

Money, we all know, isn't everything. All the money in the world doesn't mean anything if you can't get lucky. Umm ... I mean, being lucky will get you far in life. Fortunately, leprechauns are very lucky. How lucky, you ask? Lucky the Leprechaun, the most popular leprechaun in history, was so lucky he is still being chased — after more than 40 years — by children "after his lucky charms." Those are some powerful lucky charms.

Luck means different things for different people. Maybe it means having a piano fall on one of your enemies, and maybe it means a grading program breaking down and forcing the professor to give the whole class A's. Luck is lovely, and everyone can use a little more. The Irish have lots of luck and leprechauns have distilled luck, which is even stronger.

Now, some people around here — I pity those fools — have seen the "Leprechaun" series of horror movies. The movies are slanderous. Leprechauns are everything the title character is not. They are cheerful, sometimes drunk and harmless. Can you really imagine a leprechaun crushing someone to death with a pogo stick? Absurd.

Real leprechauns are too friendly to commit acts of violence. True, they sometimes pull pranks, but who doesn't enjoy a good prank from time to time? Admit it, you couldn't get angry at a little man in a green coat. In fact, leprechauns' penchant for pulling pranks means they are a lot like college students. Clearly, leprechauns are fun-loving folks.

There you have it, ladies and gents. Leprechauns are the best faeries in the world. They bring luck, gold and drunkenness. So tip your hat and toast your Guinness to this noble race.

- Frank Male is graduating tomorrow, having still never found the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Please send comments to opinion@spub.ksu.edu.