4 people you inevitably will meet in college


Intellectual Superhero

Intellectual superheroes are neither intellectual nor superheroes, but don’t tell them that. They easily are identified by their complete inability to allow class to go by without asking at least 654 questions designed to show how “witty” and “clever” they are.

They will attempt to prove the professor wrong in every class with their inane bantering, regardless of the fact the professor has a doctorate in the field.

If it is a science course, intellectual superheroes will attempt to solve every problem using an alternate method, which always is incorrect. They manage to waste 20 minutes of everyone’s lives with their insane method of solving the problem. At least people get to laugh at them when the professor proves them wrong.

Silent Curve Destroyer

Silent curve destroyers have nothing better to do than study. While the class average is a respectable 45 percent, silent curve destroyers have approximately a 1351 percent, thereby totally destroying any chance anyone else had of passing the class.

They can be identified because they will be in the library before anyone gets there and stay far after everyone else has left. They almost certainly will wear the same clothing throughout the entire course, and while they might be human, it is more likely they are some kind of magic robot.

Agenda Assailant

Agenda assailants have (surprise) an agenda to push on everyone else. In a science class, for example, people will get to hear agenda assailers rant about how the scientist who discovered some principle was a racist or misogynist, and therefore the scientist’s scholarly work is meaningless.

Even though the rest of the class is just there to learn, agenda assailants will attempt to turn every class into a political debate.

The Sociable Slacker

Sociable slackers are those who go out of their way to talk to everyone on the first day. They are personable and seem like normal, social people – at first. They even suggest trading phone numbers just in case others in the class need help.

Fast forward to the second week of class – they are not there. Same goes for all their classes until right before the midterm when they call up that person who gave them their number to study with.

“Hey, man, what’s up? How’s it going? Oh, yeah, I missed the last class, can I borrow all your notes and photocopy them? Yeah, we should go grab a beer one day,” a slacker will say on the phone.

But no one hears from them or sees them again until it’s final exam time and they make the call again asking for notes.

And that beer? A complete fabrication.

– www.somethingawful.com