Lohan show will die quickly


If Lindsay Lohan is a train wreck, her mother is the conductor. The new reality series on the E! channel, “Living Lohan,” revolves around the rest of the two-dimensional family still living in Long Island, and is a pathetic parade of talentless loudmouths. Dina Lohan, Lindsay’s mother and manager, and Lindsay’s 14-year-old sister, Ali, who “wants to be just like Lindsay,” insist they created the show to dispel vicious rumors surrounding their family, but the 30-minute segments only prove how true those rumors are.

Dina, whose botched face would not bode well on high-definition TV, is cognizant enough to say everything a good mother would say in regard to her brood. Her authoritative and motherly voice constantly reminds the camera that the Lohans have a normal family that juggles soccer practice, high school and fame with the grace and how-to of a seasoned Hollywood bunch.

Either Dina is a much better actress than Lindsay, or the show’s editors deserve an Emmy, because this family is far from normal. Dina is grooming her second cash cow for a life of false appearances, all the while lying to the camera through her pearly white smile.

And though Lindsay has yet to appear on the show, her face is plastered everywhere in the house, providing many a photo-op for Ali (who seems to be suffering from Stockholm Syndrome) to point out the similarities between her and her sister. According to the Lohans, Ali is going to be the next best singer/songwriter.

Shame on the Lohans for fooling us once. Shame on us if they fool us twice.

I love to hate the Lohans, but this show just makes me feel sorry for them. At times Dina and Ali look so much like Lindsay I want to call Child Protective Services because they both act like spoiled children. If Dina really wants to improve her family’s reputation she shouldn’t ask her assistant to Google search each of their names on national television to further publicize their negative press. I can’t wait to see what downward spiral Dina swirls the Lohans into next.