Two jugglers file for SGA elections, plan to make changes


Avid carnival enthusiasts and jugglers, Jonathan “the Jelly Juggler” Culver, sophomore in elementary education, and Jason “the Unicycle” Kennedy, junior in computer science, filed on Friday for student body president and vice president.

The juggling pair claim to be the “illegitimate sons of President Obama” and said their main platform is: “We are going to promise you everything and give you nothing, because we are the only people with enough balls to suggest the real solutions.”

Culver is a member of Chi Alpha campus ministries and participates in “the underground patch and crows game nights.”

Culver, formerly known as Jonathan “Ninjitsu” Culver, ran for student body president last year under the “remove all pirates from K-State” platform.

“I wanted to run because I want to save the world through juggling,” he said.

Culver said losing the election only proves the “SGA hates ninjas.” Kennedy is the treasurer of the juggling club.

They said they promise to make tuition prices progressive to meet students needs, reward anyone who returns their parking permits with a bio-diesel moped and only allow students to park in the parking garage.

The jugglers also promise to return 100 percent of the privilege fees back to the students and sell the student shuttles and replace them with bio-diesel Hummer-limos that will take students anywhere in Kansas.

They said they want to offer free and reduced lunches for all students and faculty and have employees at the dining centers take lessons on how to cook edible food.

The jugglers plan to install a branch of Kite’s Bar and Grille in Hale Library and ask their “father,” Obama, to make the moon the 51st state and open a K-State satellite campus there.

Culver and Kennedy said they are strong supporters of the Little Apple Juggling Festival, free money and the Collegian.

“All other candidates think they know what the students want,” Culver said. “They are wrong. Most students don’t vote in these elections. If the candidates really knew what the students wanted, there would be more votes. It only takes a few cliques to win an election.”