Weekly Horoscopes 1-25-10


Aries March 21 – April 19
Please refrain from punching students from the College of Agriculture; though they resemble Oklahoma State Cowboys, they are not.

Taurus April 20 – May 20
Newsflash: dressing like you’re something out of a science fiction movie won’t get you laid. It may cause public humiliation, though.

Gemini May 21 – June 21

Yell the phrase ‘Loud noises!’ to end senseless arguments this week. Document your findings and send them to edge@spub.ksu.edu.

Cancer June 22 – July 22

Typing mean messages and then deleting them will be a good trait to possess this week, especially when others write less-than-favorable things to you.

Leo July 23 – Aug. 22
Owl City is annoying. End of story. Find something better to listen to. Anything, even Miley Cyrus and her idiot alter-ego are more pleasing to the ears.

Virgo Aug. 23 – Sept. 22

You should start watching ’30 Rock.’ All the cool Virgos are doing it, and you know you want to be cool.

Libra Sept. 23 – Oct. 23

Being cool is overrated. It’s meant for people like silly Virgos and The Fonz. AYYEE!!

Scorpio Oct. 24 – Nov. 21
Your multiple personalities are probably why your credit scores are low. Don’t be surprised when it shows up on your FreeCreditReport.com score.

Sagittarius Nov. 22 – Dec. 21

Be careful what you say about Oprah; not only can she eat you, she can also buy K-State so she can expel you.

Capricorn Dec. 22 – Jan. 19

You should always listen to your horoscope. I don’t write these things for my health. Don’t be a fool, cover your tool.

Aquarius Jan. 20 – Feb. 18

You will find yourself today. What you do with yourself after you find yourself is none of the Collegian’s business.

Pisces Feb. 19 – March 20

The Walt Disney Company lied to you when you were a child. Sue them for crushing your dreams of being famous.