Open marriages can work without love lost


I’m writing in response to Jillian Aramowicz’s Oct. 28 article about how marriages have become too casual. I also have seen people from my classes who get married younger and start families and, many times, the situation doesn’t end well.

I agree these people need to think long and hard about the decision they are making. We are so young, and have so much living to do before settling down. However, I do not agree with the statement that people who propose open marriages are “off their rockers.”

There has been evidence that humans are not wired for monogamy. In a book titled “Sex at Dawn: The Prehistoric Origins of Modern Sexuality,” Christopher Ryan stated humans are “arguably the most sexual species on Earth.”

He also said that “a nonpossessive, gregarious sexuality was the human norm until the rise of agriculture and private property just 10,000 years ago.”

I’m not knocking monogamy. I hope someday to find the kind of love people like my grandparents have found, but a love like that is not easy. Despite how in love you might be and how devoted you are to your partner, there are always going to be temptations. And for some couples, the solution is just to be a little more free in their marriage. That doesn’t necessarily mean they love each other less.

I have been in an open relationship for almost two years while I attended a community college and my boyfriend was here at K-State, and while he studied abroad in Italy. This arrangement has not been easy, with plenty of jealousy and hurt and tears. I also think those things come with most monogamous relationships.

Now that we finally live in the same city, we appreciate each other so much more. I honestly think this has made us much closer. While I realize open relationships and marriages may not be right for everyone, it doesn’t make it OK to condemn those who choose it as a lifestyle. I speak from experience; it doesn’t make them crazy and it sure doesn’t make them any less in love.

Lindsay Vannaman

Junior in English