Aries March 21 – April 19
Remember how you treat people. Karma may come back to bite you in the bum … or perhaps your midterm grade.
Taurus April 20 – May 20
Never wake a sleeping drunk. Much like a hibernating bear, it is bound to be angry.
Gemini May 21 – June 21
No one likes complainers, unless they’re funny or good-looking … or if they share a commonality with whom they are complaining to. Fortunately, you make the cut on all accounts.
Cancer June 22 – July 22
Spelling always counts. Remember: you are what you tweet. Follow the Collegian @KSU_Collegian for K-State-related news.
Leo July 23 – Aug. 22
With Fake Patty’s quickly approaching, get your green gear now so you won’t be stuck wearing purple on the 10th.
Virgo Aug. 23 – Sept. 22
Hey there. You — yes, you. You need to think very carefully before you eat that.
Libra Sept. 23 – Oct. 23
Avoid ham sandwiches this week. You do not want to meet the same fate as Mama Cass.
Scorpio Oct. 24 – Nov. 21
With midterms upon us, if you see a single person occupying a four-person table, make sure to go out of your way to disturb them. What they are doing is wrong.
Sagittarius Nov. 22 – Dec. 21
Dwelling on your grade now will prevent you from being able to move forward. In some cases Ds will get degrees. Just ask any engineering student after a midterm.
Capricorn Dec. 22 – Jan. 19
Personal vendettas are pointless. Give it up already, drink the purple Kool-Aid and hate KU like the rest of us.
Aquarius Jan. 20 – Feb. 18
Instead of studying, spend your time looking up British curse words. They are much better than their American counterparts.
Pisces Feb. 19 – March 20
For obvious reasons, this is best time of the year for the pisces. Like the Dos Equis man says: “Please drink responsibly.” Remember what happened last year? Exactly.
Tim Schrag is a senior in journalism and digital media. Please send all comments to email@example.com.