Kelsey Grammer epitome of horrible parent

Illustration by Chris Sanford

There are many different ways to be a bad father, from forgetting your child’s birthday to losing them at the grocery store, but recently Kelsey Grammer added a new way to the list by taking his infant daughter to a party at the Playboy Mansion.

Grammer said he had no choice but to bring his 3-month-old daughter to the party because he and his wife have yet to find a trusted babysitter or nanny for her. His wife is also still breastfeeding, which is another excuse Grammer made for his poor parenting.

There are so many questions this situation brings up. Why did they have to go out at all? Why did the mother not stop this madness? Most importantly, why does someone as old as Kelsey Grammer have an infant at all?

First of all, most parents with newborns don’t go out at all. And if they do, they leave their baby at home. As one of the playmates so eloquently tweeted, “Why the fk does Kelsey Grammer have a newborn baby at the Mansion party!?!?!?”

Misuse of punctuation aside, this girl has a very good point. What could posses any sane human being to take their child to a party at what is basically a giant sex palace?

Speaking of sanity, why did this child’s mother not put a stop to this? Considering the occupations of Grammer’s past wives — a playboy playmate and a stripper — it would not be too surprising if most recent wife Kayte wasn’t the brightest crayon in the box.

Little is known about Kayte other than that she is 25 years younger than her husband. Maybe the couple felt at home at the Playboy Mansion; being an old man with a much younger woman must have made Grammer feel like Hugh Hefner.

Grammer has many things that show his age other than his grey hair. Firstly, his oldest daughter Spencer Grammer is 29, two years younger than his latest wife and more than a hundred times older than her newest sister.

Secondly, he is a grandfather with a grandchild older than his own child; Spencer Grammer gave birth to a son last year. If Kelsey wanted to live out his twilight years going to parties at the Playboy Mansion, maybe he should have thought of that before having another child.

Other questionable parenting choices made by Grammer during the party include covering the child’s ears so that she couldn’t hear what was going on and pretending that leaving the party at midnight was reasonable. If Grammer was actually was dumb enough to cover Faith’s ears, I hope he did not use ear plugs to keep the sound out. That is a choking hazard waiting to happen.

As for Grammer’s comment that he and his family left the party at the early hour of midnight: when you have a newborn it is important to get them on a schedule, and I highly doubt that Faith’s daily schedule includes midnight romps at the Playboy Mansion with Paris Hilton.

If this much has already gone wrong for Faith Grammer in the first 3 months of her life, I cannot wait to see what the next 20 or so will bring. It is unlikely that Kelsey Grammer will become a better father over time, considering that he already has four other children.

Hopefully “Maury” will still be on the air when Faith becomes a teenager so the Grammer family’s twisted saga can play out on television. I wish this girl nothing but luck, because with parents like these she’s going to need it.

Zach Foley is a freshman in secondary education. Please send comments to