K-State to receive, embrace huge influx of African-American students


Editor’s note: This is a fake article. All facts and quotes are entirely fabricated. Happy April Fools’ Day.

The K-State campus is about to look more different than ever. Thanks to the drastic efforts of multiple multicultural organizations’ recruitment efforts, K-State is estimated to receive an influx of nearly 20,000 African-American students this fall, changing the black demographic from roughly 7 percent to 50 percent of the total student population.

“It’s about damn time,” said Brayden Mark, program assistant for the office of diversity. “This university has been too whitebread for too long. Having a half-black campus will make everyone happier and more comfortable.”

According to the department of diversity, K-State has been working on a new student exchange program, Operation Inner City Immigration. An official statement from the department reads that the program was hidden from the state government, because “it probably wasn’t a good idea to tell them. “

Students met the news with nothing but praise and positive opinion.

“I just love black people,” said Becky, who asked to remain anonymous in case anyone actually read this. “I promise. They’re great.”

Instructors also shared Becky’s dazzling enthusiasm.

“Why should this change how I teach?” said Brian Faulkner, professor of white history. “I’m perfectly fine with anyone from any race. It’s not like a ton of them will be taking my classes anyway.”

Not prompted by a question at all, he added, “This is a fine addition. Fine. It’s just wonderful.”

It is expected that the Black Student Union will become the most prominent group on campus, and entities such as Ebony Theatre and the National Society of Black Engineers will become “Theatre” and “National Society of Engineers.” Though many students are overjoyed about the K-State demographic change, other students are hesitant about the change.

“I don’t know about this, I kind of enjoyed being a minority,” said Caylor Tabine, sophomore in advertising. “Nobody bothered you with being nice or asking how your day was. They just avoided you, it was great. I feel like I’m going to lose my special treatment.”

Despite the threat of no longer being one of the prized few, Tabine said that having more African-American students may actually end up being something nice.

“Just as long as they’re not rachet,” Tabine said. “Nobody likes rachet.”

Campus officials are beginning to enact preparatory measures in order to accommodate the rush of incoming students. In addition to reviewing proposals to establish a campus barber shop, the university is looking into adding a Popeye’s Chicken vendor to the Student Union.

“That’s not racist,” said Luther Martin, Union assistant. “It isn’t, right? They’d like that, right?”

Now that the idea has begun to sink in, hopeful students are beginning to look beyond next semester, at the future of K-State and the changes that these new students could make.

“Who knows,” said Emily Donsend, senior in wishful thinking, “maybe after this we’ll have a burst of male women’s studies majors.”