Due to what is being called a “paperwork error,” K-State great Collin Klein has been granted one more year of college eligibility, effective immediately. The 2012 Associated Press Big 12 Offensive Player of the Year is listed on the 2015 K-State football roster and is a sure candidate to take over the starting quarterback position.
While Klein’s senior year came to a conclusion after the 2012 season, the quarterback’s eligibility papers were reportedly “lost” in the destruction of the old Vanier Football Complex, which was demolished in December to pave way for a new structure.
News of his miraculous eligibility status was announced Tuesday by K-State Athletics after the NCAA made its decision over the weekend.
Odd indeed, sources tell the Kansas State Collegian that Klein was seen inside the old Vanier Football Complex on Dec. 8, just prior to the start of demolition, standing near the paper shredder “giggling hysterically while shredding pages of documents and browsing new medical bandages.”
“Man, the news was really surprising,” Klein said. “I was sitting in the ice bath, still healing injuries from three years ago, when one of Coach Snyder’s carrier pigeons delivered the news. I have to give it up to God, though. Only he could’ve done this. I’m honored to once again be suiting up for the family.”
When asked about the tampering reports, K-State head coach Bill Snyder offered up the following statement:
“Collin is a tremendous young man who has also been a wonderful ambassador for this program,” Snyder said. “Great leadership. Outstanding character. Really just a delightful person.”
The Collegian followed up Snyder’s response with a second question about the reports of Klein shredding his eligibility documents. The long-time head coach answered with a 15-minute-long monologue on the importance of family, breaking only for the consistent sip of coffee out of his white Styrofoam cup.
K-State Athletics Director John Currie addressed the media shortly after the announcement, with his goal to hopefully “clear up” confusion on the matter.
“Collin’s eligibility is a crucial part to President Schulz’s K-State 2025 vision of advancing the university into the ranks of the nation’s Top 50 public research universities,” Currie said. “Having a player and person like Collin pushes us one step closer to reaching that goal, though I’m still not sure what it means.”
President Kirk Schulz was also in attendance, sporting his “Klein 4 Heisman” cufflinks. Following Currie’s statement, Schulz clarified Currie’s statement that clarified the initial story.
“Collin’s eligibility is a crucial part to K-State’s 2025 vision of advancing the university into the ranks of the nation’s Top 50 public research universities,” Schulz said. “Now, when I invented the 2025 vision with absolutely no idea what it entailed, I knew something someday would come along and tell me. That something is Collin Klein. What a great day it is for K-State.”
In his first tenure with the team, Klein became the first player in BCS AQ history to have 20-plus rushing touchdowns and 10-plus passing touchdowns in multiple seasons. Only four players ever have reached that mark in a single season.
After finishing third in the Heisman Trophy voting in 2012, a season in which K-State went 11-2 – capturing the Big 12 title, Klein hopes to put up even better numbers in his surprising final season as a Wildcat.
“God blessed me with an opportunity to be in New York for the Heisman Trophy presentation,” Klein said. “I have to give it up to him for that, however, I would be lying if I said I wasn’t upset with the results. I mean, I’m the only candidate there that hasn’t had scandals involving imaginary girlfriends or nightclubs. I haven’t even ever been to nightclub. Seriously, what’s a nightclub?”
Klein said his goal is for K-State to go undefeated and win the National Championship in 2015, while throwing for more than 10,000 yards and rushing for 7,000 more. The first would be impressive enough. The final two, though, would shatter NCAA records.
As for the paper shredder in question, Currie and Schulz said it has been destroyed.
“Unfortunately, the shredder did not align with K-State’s 2025 vision of advancing the university into the ranks of the nation’s Top 50 public research universities,” each said.
Disclaimer: This article is an April Fools’ joke and is not meant to be taken seriously.