Sex: a three-letter word that many people have a difficult time talking about. It’s an intimate, private matter that should be discussed between the people involved, no?
The answer is yes, but the discussion of sex – from intricacies to protection – should be an open and honest one.
Educating yourself about your body is probably one of the most important things you can do to maintain your health. Simply telling people to not have sex or to just inform them of the uses of contraception and preventative measures against sexually transmitted diseases, though, is nearsighted at best. I definitely stand by parents being honest with their kids and educating them about their own bodies and what they’re capable of.
I do, however, respect those not wanting their child to jump into intimate behavior so soon – but avoiding the topic isn’t the answer. I knew plenty of my peers in middle school who were already engaged in sexual activity, regardless of whether they had a comprehensive discussion of it or not. Some teenagers are going to have sex or be sexually active in some way whether we like it or not, so it’s best to teach them how to do it safely and not end up with unsavory results.
Diseases
According to a study conducted by the Centre for Sexual Health Research at the University of Southampton, some parents aren’t necessarily ready to discuss sex with their children. Their reasons included wishing to conserve their children’s innocence, fear of judgement or backlash from their peers and not knowing how to approach the subject.
The sooner people are educated about sex, though, the better. According to a 2013 survey of high school students conducted by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 47 percent of students had never had sexual intercourse. Furthermore, 34 percent had sexual intercourse during the previous three months and of these students, 41 percent did not use a condom the last time they had sex. This will ultimately lead to more sexually transmitted diseases.
In fact, young people (ages 15-24) account for nearly half of the 20 million new cases of STDs each year, according to a December 2014 CDC fact sheet. I remember seeing those infection-ravaged genitals in a health class slideshow, and I don’t think you or your child would want to live with that.
If I were a parent, I’d want my children to hear the facts from me before they saw something through the warped lens of reality television or misinformed rumors from their friends. The desire to protect my child from ignorance, STDs and harm outweighs any embarrassment.
Starting early
According to a study conducted by the Centre for Sexual Health Research at the University of Southampton, some parents aren’t necessarily ready to discuss sex with their children. Their reasons included wishing to conserve their children’s innocence, fear of judgement or backlash from their peers and not knowing how to approach the subject.
Now I never had “the talk” with either of my parents. You just didn’t talk about it, and I was uncomfortbale having such a serious discussion with them. My mom’s extent of acknowledging sexuality was covering my eyes during risqué scenes in movies. The rest of my knowledge on the subject was based on what I saw on television, what I read on the Internet and the little bits that I’d been taught in school.
Although I think my school’s take on sex education wasn’t the worst, it definitely left me feeling like I was deprived of something. I didn’t even know what a vagina looked like until several years later … and I have one. It was exactly like an episode of “Orange is the New Black,” where a transgender woman has to teach her fellow inmates what and where everything is.
I’ve found that when you place people in an environment that allows for safe and inviting discussions about sex, they’re more willing to open up and be truthful. If you take the time to talk about what you expect from your child in a respectful and encouraging manner, they’ll listen.
Openness
I attended Indiana University last semester, which is the home of the famous Kinsey Institute, a research center that studies sex, gender and reproduction. They offered a human sexuality course, and I decided to take it. I learned more about gender spectrums, sexual fluidity and the human body than I even knew existed.
At the end of each lecture, we’d break off into smaller groups and talk about things like anatomy and masturbation (just to name a few), and it was relieving to unabashedly discuss things we’re usually not allowed to. I didn’t feel embarrassed, ridiculed or like we were doing something we had to hide.
If you break down the socially constructed stigmas surrounding sex, which can be a wonderful and beautiful thing, you don’t have to hide behind exhausting half-truths and self-consciousness. I’d like to think that in doing so, my child would feel safe enough to come to me with any question or problems they had.
All of this is what parents should work on when fostering an open and honest relationship with their children. Sex is obviously a very intimate and private matter, but the sooner we talk to our kids about it, the better chance we have to protect and educate them. School doesn’t tell you about the emotional aspects of sex or what you should prepare for or be aware of soon enough … but you can.
Tell them to wait. Tell them to wear a condom. Tell them to be safe. And if they cringe and back out of the room slowly, tell them it’s because you care. Any discussion of sex in a positive and respectful manner gets you an A in my grade book.
Savannah Rattanavong is a freshman in journalism.