It’s time for another installment in this series of reviews. In it, I take a look at iconic movies that I get made fun of for never having seen. Today’s edition focuses on “Indiana Jones and Raiders of the Lost Ark.”
Best hat: Indiana’s. It’s so iconic, even I know about it.
Worst jacket: His first sidekick’s. It is tan, tattered and covered in every spider on Earth. Admittedly, I’m no fashion buff, but the thousand-spider-jacket seem like an obvious cry for attention.
Worst name based on a state: Indiana Jones. Better names included Virginia, “Dani California,” and every oil tycoon that insists on being called Tex.
Best profession: Anthropology. Just how are all anthropologists so good looking?
Worst people-person: Indiana Jones. In the first half-hour of this movie, he’s been betrayed three times, attempted to kill three people and slapped in the face. There has to be a reason for that.
Best surprise: This movie is straight silly. There is so much slapstick. And I’m pretty sure that monkey just gave a Nazi salute.
Worst line: “There is not one brain among them. Except one.”
Best hatred: Snakes. Seems entirely reasonable when they come by the dungeon-full.
Worst movie genre: Action. I can’t stand action movies. They’re so boring. This blows up, you jump this thing, and guns – I get it already. But even I have to say, this action movie is great. I see why it’s so well thought of with original stunts, an actually interesting story, and a sense of humor. Plus, one of the bad guys just threw a watermelon at a dog.
Best reaction to an unexpected kiss: Bursting into enthusiastic opera.
Worst way to die: Apocalyptic face-melting. You’ve probably made some wrong turns in your life if you die by apocalyptic face-melting. And those turns start at college, my friends. But no pressure.
Best movie I’ve seen this week: “Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark.” I give it five out of five stars. You really have no excuse for not having seen it.
Jonathan Greig is a senior in anthropology.
