Never Seen It: ‘Fight Club’


It’s time for another installment in this series of reviews. In it, I take a look at the best and worst of iconic movies that I get made fun of for never having seen.

Today’s edition focuses on the 1999 cult classic, “Fight Club.”

Worst volume: an inconsistent one

This movie starts a title sequence with a loud alternative song, blaring and aggressive that surely woke up my cranky roommate. I quickly grabbed the remote to turn it down, only to be greeted next by a tiny, whispered narration and had to sigh and turn it all the way back up again. I can’t wait for the Pixies (inventors of loud/soft dynamics, by the way) to start screaming out of my TV at random.

Worst narration: apathetic mumbling

Oh god, I’m going to have to watch this so far simply annoying main character whisper sour nothings to himself for two hours, aren’t I? When does he start getting fought with a club?

Best allusion: the cave

It is referenced in one of his first support group meetings. I’m assuming Helena Bonham Carter is not who Plato had in mind inhabiting his cave, but I’m counting this as a win for philosophy.

Worst roommate: me

And there it is. As I’m straining to hear the incoherent mumbles of this very chatty narrator, he suddenly imagines a deafening plane crash and my roommate is definitely now awake. This is not good, people. This means I’m in for his revenge tomorrow morning, which is him waking me up at an ungodly early hour and insisting on breakfast. Thanks movie, now I have to suffer through the unspeakable hell that is 4 a.m. Frosted Flakes.

Best reaction to hidden porn: unabashedly weeping

Worst line: “After fighting, everything else in your life’s got the volume turned down.”

Shut up, movie, it’s more annoying than clever.

Best conversational linchpin: “Who would you fight?”

At this point, the talks between the narrator and Tyler Durden have boiled down to which celebrity you would want to fight, which historical figure or who in their lives. I wonder how specific they’ll have to eventually get to keep the conversations going. Which of the Teletubbies would you fight? If you had to pick between fighting a trash-can or fighting some dish soap, what would you pick? Would you rather throw down with the color mauve, or the sound of a truck tire slowly flattening?

Best laugh: Durden’s adorable giggle

Delivered, of course, as his face is getting beaten in by angry Lou. Some might call it deeply disturbing, but really it just puts me in mind of those posters of kittens labeled, “A positive outlook.”

Worst excuse: violence

Some might call this random and encompassing cult of chaos on a destruction bender the film’s self-aware satire of American culture, but really it just puts me in mind of those posters of kittens labeled “Nihilism.”

Best overrated film: “Fight Club”

Seriously, that soft/loud aesthetic was just irritating. Plus, I wasn’t impressed by the heavy-handedness of any of the message. Goodness, you blew up the credit card company buildings … so profound, man. I expected more from you “Fight Club,” you get two stars.

Jonathan Greig is a senior in anthropology.

Hi, I’m Jonathan. I graduate this December, majoring in Anthropology, with minors in Creative Writing and Political Science. After that … we’ll see. Maybe graduate school in environmental anthropology. Maybe I’ll finally pursue my old childhood dream of becoming an infomercial host. It’s up in the air. Some of my interests and hobbies include devout sports fanaticism, religious study, and composing country songs that serve to explain the unearthly amount of disdain I have for country music. My band’s called Catfish Hurricane, you should check us out. Well, actually, you shouldn’t. I love writing, which is how I accidentally stumbled into this job. This stumbling into good things is my plan for life in general.