Zodiac Compatibility with Madam LoCoco: Gemini

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WORST: Gemini + Pisces

You are both signs of dual aspects: Gemini is represented by the Twins and Pisces by two fish swimming in opposite directions. You two could be Dr. Phil’s poster children for commitment phobia, and whether you’re “in” or you’re “out” depends on the day of the week, your mood, the cosmic alignment and the color of your socks.

Yeah, not exactly a healthy way to keep a relationship going, huh? The reason this match has the capacity to make the other partner so uncomfortable is because it provides you both a chance to gaze into love’s crystal ball and see your own hideous Id staring back at you.

Gemini’s neuroses and hang-ups are as bizarre and difficult to understand as an issue of the National Enquirer as written by one of those Nigerian inheritance email scam authors. And yes, Pisces, you are actually as needy and manipulative as Gemini keep implying to all of their friends via passive-egressive subtweeting. Not that Gemini isn’t equally guilty; you’re capable of being a double-crossing, self-serving, evasive ice queen… and that’s when you’re in a good mood.

So what of it? You need to learn to own up to your dark sides, which we all have (albeit yours are a bit bigger than most), or else you’ll never learn how to spread the light, too. It might seem like an agonizing prospect, but you need to learn to negotiate your differences with honesty and emotional transparency. Things aren’t always good versus evil or emotional versus intellectual, as your case may be.

Unless you learn to balance the proportions of your interactions, Pisces will drag Gemini out to tide in their own undertow and drown them in the putrescent waters of their own constant dissatisfaction. Gemini needs to learn how to connect emotionally with something other than a bottle of cheap vodka and show Pisces how to lighten up.

Don’t say you want something from your partner and then resist being happy when it’s provided to you. For you two, the most intimate act you can perform is gratitude, which requires you to acknowledge that your partner is capable of reaching you at an emotionally vulnerable place. Only two phrases can save this relationship: “I’m sorry,” and “You’re right.”

Overall: A 1/5 star match.

Your theme song should probably be: “What Were You Expecting” by Halestorm.

BETTER: Gemini + Leo

The gift of gab was bequeathed to both of you from an early age, and you’ll become great friends yammering back and forth about everything from The Wall Street Journal to the writing on the bathroom wall. Your conversations are always intense and fascinating (at least to the two of you), and you’re both well-learned culture aficionados from vastly different walks of life.

Unfortunately, the romantic temperature of this pair is lukewarm at best. The proud lion wants to be consumed by heat, passion, unconditional devotion and an unlimited supply of attention and no-strings-attached praise.

Sometimes listening to the Leo Monologues, which range in content from everything from rants about their feelings on Donald Trump to today’s latest emotional drama fest, can be sheer torture for a Gemini. When Gemini dares to interrupt the proud King or Queen Leo to hasten them to just get to the &$*% point already, all hell will break loose and Gemini will be assaulted will the full blunt force of Leo’s massive ego-protection mechanisms.

Leo needs to learn to take Gemini’s prickly, blunt honesty and lack of sugarcoating in stride, not as a personal affront. Gemini should also try to appeal to Leo’s well-hidden, sensitive inclinations with traditional romantic gestures. Gemini are masters of tactile interactions and will need to do some very literal “laying on of hands” to sate the, err, “affection”-hungry Leo.

Don’t be afraid to blow a little smoke up Leo’s ass. Chances are they’re kinky perverts and will probably enjoy it, and anyway, Leos become an utter nightmare to deal with without regularly dispensed doses of unearned praise.

Go ahead and gush and flatter as much as necessary — we all know it won’t be the most insincere thing to ever pass through Gemini’s lips. Meanwhile, Leo should keep an army of patient, thick-skinned friends on speed dial, since Gemini is the last person who’s going to act as your unofficial romantic shrink, psychic hotline, life coach or social director. Spread the demands around because you both have plenty.

Overall: A 2/5 star match.

Your theme song should probably be: “It’s Hard To Be Humble” by Mac Davis.

BEST: Gemini + Libra

Ahh, the gift of the silver tongue is one you both share. Now if only you both had the hearts of gold to match, as wherever you two seem to go together, you stir up mischief and scandalous intrigue in your wake… and you totally love it.

You both love to play the field at social gatherings and schmooze the room. When alone, you chatter like tree monkeys on PCP, gabbing so fast it’s a wonder you haven’t both worn your lips down to nubs.

But can this sort of excitement really last? Getting past the superficial infatuation phase of the relationship is going to be a huge challenge for you both because you’re so indecisive that nailing down a commitment from either of you is like trying to pin flying cubes of Jell-O to a small target with a crossbow at 200 yards.

That being said, the transitive and illusory quality of your “relationship” is actually something that you both somewhat enjoy. When things start getting too “real” for you, you both tend to turn tail and run for the nearest singles bar, but if you think your partner is a keeper, you’re going to have to — horror of unspeakable horrors — dip your toes into the murky swamp of intimacy then plunge yourself in and learn how to doggy paddle.

Once in a relationship, money is going to be a major issue, specifically the way you are both inclined to spend it when you have none. While Gemini prefers long-term investments in intellectual pursuits like college education and travel, Libra is governed primarily by pleasure-seeking and tends to splurge on custom designer clothing, spa weekends and “statement” art pieces. You’ll be needing an apartment with multiple rooms for Gemini’s personal library and Libra’s shoe collection that would put Imelda Marcos to shame.

You’ll have slightly different tastes for the flavor of romance you both prefer, too. Libra will revel in a lengthy courtship with all the traditional trappings, but modern-minded Gemini might bristle at having to pick up the tab at dinner one too many times, especially with Libra’s champagne tastes.

Cut up the credit cards, order in and pop in an old movie you can both spend hours dissecting afterward, and this match could last a lifetime.

Overall: A 4/5 star match.

Your theme song should probably be: “It Had To Be You” by Frank Sinatra.

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Iris LoCoco
Iris LoCoco is a sophomore in computer science and 2015 K-State graduate in art history.