Slightly romantic horoscopes

Your romantic gestures were cute at the beginning, but this isn’t a young adult novel. The stars say your sweetheart is planning a serious reality check for you because they are starting to feel like your relationship is straight outta “Twilight.” Tone it down.

All your friends are getting married and stuff, which is great — until you’re all alone, knee-deep in empty Ben & Jerry’s cartons with no one but several pizzas for company. Who are we kidding? That does sound pretty great, actually.

You just met someone super cute, but you’re afraid to freak them out with your, um, unique true personality. Not to worry, though. The stars say this cute person is actually just as weird as you are, so go crazy.

The stars are tired of your whining, honestly, so they’re sending you someone special sometime this week. And they don’t want to hear a peep out of you after that, got it?

You’re so happy right now. You’re finally with someone really perfect for you, which means you need to try really hard not to mess things up with them. No pressure.

Take it easy, Taylor Swift. Your exes don’t all deserve your very public wrath. Good thing the stars say someone new will show up soon to distract you from destroying people.

No, Gemini, you can’t have them all. In fact, the stars say you won’t end up with even one of the 394 people you’re currently into. But at least you have your other face to keep you company until you find the one.

Feel like you’ve finally found your one true love? The stars say that’s because you probably have. Probably. Maybe. Kinda. Sure. The stars say whatever helps you sleep at night.

Don’t lose it while looking for love, Leo! The stars say someone you’ve never noticed has had his eye on you for a while, which is cute. And a little creepy if you really think about it. But mostly cute.

You might be super single right now, but don’t panic. OK, maybe panic a little — cute people you know are getting snatched up left and right. Get a move on it or you’ll spend the winter alone getting in touch with your inner cat lady.

Lonely? Libra? Never! Everybody knows you have lots of admirers, but the stars say you should drop them all (gently) ASAP. You’re about to meet someone who actually strikes your fancy. Fancy that.

You have a few more than “27 Dresses” stashed away, but none of them are white, sadly. No worries, though, Scorpio. The stars say someone unexpected is about to wife you up. (Or husband you up — whatever, you get the picture.)