Brownback commissions construction of wall around Lawrence

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A limestone wall of similar design to K-State's Memorial Stadium will be constructed by an order of Gov. Sam Brownback. (File Photo by Evert Nelson | Collegian)

A President Donald Trump-inspired wall will be built, not between the U.S. and Mexico, but surrounding the city of Lawrence.

Gov. Sam Brownback announced the limestone wall’s construction at a press conference today.

“I will build a great wall — and nobody builds walls better than me, believe me — and I’ll build them very inexpensively,” Brownback said. “I will build a great, great wall surrounding Lawrence, and I will make the University of Kansas pay for that wall. Mark my words.”

How KU will pay for the wall remains a mystery. The governor estimated $71 million is needed, but the wall comes at a time of regular cuts to higher education. KU faces a potential $16 million cut in state funding if the budget situation is not resolved.

KU Chancellor Bernadette Gray-Little did not hold back in her opposition to the move.

“This is absolutely ridiculous,” Gray-Little said. “I think he’s discriminating against us because he went to K-State. Well, he’s actually discriminating against the entire state with his economic policies, so I shouldn’t be surprised.”

Brownback defended the wall, saying that KU does not send their best Kansans to the rest of the state.

“When KU sends its people, they’re not sending their best,” Brownback said. “They’re bringing one-and-doners. They’re bringing crime. They’re travelers. And some, I assume, are good Kansans.”

Petunia Flower, a junior at KU, said zhe supports the wall.

“This wall will just make Lawrence one big safe space in a state that otherwise discriminates against everyone who is not a white, cisgendered old man,” Flower said. “I will be proud to live behind the wall.”

K-State fans have already pointed out a flaw in Brownback’s wall: KU’s skill at travelling.

“The Jayhawks are experts at travelling, three, four, five steps, so I doubt any wall could ever hold them in,” said Gene Wrangler, freshman in bullriding. “And if that didn’t work, they could just have Josh Jackson give it a good kick. One and done.”

K-State President Richard Myers has yet to make a public statement on the wall. Sources within the university administration said Myers, a retired Air Force general, sees little benefit in walls because jets can fly over them.

This story is an April Fools’ joke and not intended to be taken seriously.

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Jason Tidd
Jason Tidd graduated from Kansas State University's Miller School of Journalism and Mass Communication in May 2017. He was the spring 2017 editor-in-chief, fall 2016 news editor and spring 2016 assistant news editor. While at K-State, Jason played baritone in the Pride of Wildcat Land marching band.