Oliver the cat gains superpowers from smoke inhalation

Oliver, who resided at The Dusty Bookshelf, received superpower after smoke inhalation during the March 2 fire. (File Photo by Parker Robb | The Collegian)

Patrons of Thread in Aggieville can stay for special children’s book read-along times hosted by Oliver the cat.

Oliver, who resided at The Dusty Bookshelf, gained superpowers — including the ability to talk — due to smoke inhalation from a March 2 fire at the bookstore. Other superpowers include the ability to stay awake for long periods of time without taking cat naps and long Wolverine-like claws.

“I have actually always been able to read, I just couldn’t say anything more than ‘meow,’” Oliver said. “After spending so much time in the bookstore, I know so many stories by heart, and I just want to give back to everyone who has ever petted me.”

On Saturday mornings, Oliver now hosts “The Cat in Man-HAT-tan,” a story time read-along for local youth.

“Sometimes I do get tired and need to take a quick cat nap in between stories,” Oliver said. “I’m sure the children understand, though.”

With Oliver curled up in her lap taking a nap, Jessicat Clause, 7, said the read-along session was the highlight of her week.

“Oliver is so soft and fluffy, and he really, like, is a good reader,” Clause said. “I wish I could read that good. I want to come back every time.”

Veterinary medicine researchers at Kansas State say Oliver is a wonder of modern medicine and the ability to adapt.

“Oliver obviously has superior jeans made of fur instead of cotton,” said Lee Ingh, lead feline researcher. “The smoke must have been absorbed by his fur, which let it mix with his jeans. Science is amazing.”

The College of Education is partnering with the College of Veterinary Medicine to study the smoke superpowers phenomenon and whether it could be applied in classrooms across Kansas to improve reading comprehension.

“With the condition of education budgets in Kansas, we need to look into everything,” said Maddie Gray, professor of education ___. “I’m hopeful the smoke method will teach our students, because then Kansans will finally be able to read the news on the state budget once it all goes to hell.”

This story is an April Fools’ joke and not intended to be taken seriously.

Jason Tidd graduated from Kansas State University's Miller School of Journalism and Mass Communication in May 2017. He was the spring 2017 editor-in-chief, fall 2016 news editor and spring 2016 assistant news editor. While at K-State, Jason played baritone in the Pride of Wildcat Land marching band.