Slightly Sarcastic Reviews: Pizza Shuttle

0
817
Cheese and pepperoni go together like C's and degrees. (Courtesy photo by CamKnows)

Much like Willie the Wildcat and mysterious fluids on the streets of Aggieville, Pizza Shuttle is one of Manhattan’s most cherished local treasures. The locally owned establishment has been selling pizzas both large and larger to the community since 1988. That’s right, it’s older than both Daniel Radcliffe and Joe Jonas — and twice as delicious!

I’ve heard whispered rumors of the heavenly cream cheese that lies within Pizza Shuttle’s storied halls at Wildcat Landing, so here’s what I thought of the place after spending quality time and money there.

The Restaurant: B+

The walls of Pizza Shuttle are as inviting as they are yellow, mostly due to a collection of framed photos that give the place a cozy atmosphere. The slowly rotating ceiling fans and playlist of ’80s hits on the radio complete the “mom-and-pop pizza joint” aesthetic in a way that’s so cliche it feels like home.

15259510228_b51bd020c9_b.jpg
If you don't like the decor, delivery is always an option. (Courtesy photo by Stavos)

The location, however, is uninviting. Pizza Shuttle is shoved into an out-of-the-way corner between three or four other businesses where it can’t easily be seen from the street. Granted, it’s kind of fun to imagine that Pizza Shuttle is a lost island with mozzarella-flavored treasure and it can only be found if you already know where it is, but that’s a lot of effort just to find your dinner.

The Service: A

If making three pizzas was an Olympic sport, the folks at Pizza Shuttle would be gold medalists for their record time. Not only did they get my exact order to me less than 12 minutes after I walked through the door, but someone brought it out to my seat and asked me if I wanted a drink holder since I ordered to-go. How thoughtful!

baking-oven-pizza-theme-cooking-76496.jpeg
Rumor has it that Pizza Shuttle prepares their pies in a furnace powered by love and pixie dust to ensure consistency. (Courtesy photo by Pexels)

If the welcoming service wasn’t enough to bring me back again, Pizza Shuttle also has amazing deals. One of their famous cream cheese pizzas was only $5 flat without toppings for me. The only way they could’ve impressed me more was with a free movie ticket and a kiss on the cheek.

The Food: A-

At last, I arrived at my destination with three boxes: a regular pizza with pepperoni and beef, another pizza with pepperoni and green peppers and a plain cream cheese pizza to round it all out.

After flipping the boxes over and dropping them to the ground to get the grease off — you know, as you do — I was ready to dig in.

My expectations were middling, but eating the cream cheese pizza made me realize that I would have to go to confession soon because worshipping other deities is a sin.

6306091349_8cf7571ff8_z.jpg
Say hello to your new Alpha and Omega. (Courtesy photo by CookingFM)

Imagine a pizza so perfect that eating it makes all your troubles go away. Getting a D on that test doesn’t bother you, your last breakup doesn’t sting and you swear you hear a choir singing every time you take a bite. The Pizza Shuttle cream cheese pizzas are like divine inspiration with tomato sauce on the side.

On another note, the pepperoni and beef pizza was also rock solid, with crust that was just the right amount of doughy, if a little greasy. I have an extremely messy and incredibly public feud with green peppers, but my girlfriend said they were good, too.

The Verdict: A-

I’m no evangelist, but I’d highly recommend converting to whatever religions allow you to worship cream cheese pizza. Pizza Shuttle clearly knows something that other pizza joints don’t.

Kyle Hampel is the reviews and opinion editor for the Collegian and a junior in English. The views and opinions expressed in this column are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of the Collegian. Please send comments to opinion@kstatecollegian.com.

Advertisement
SHARE
Kyle Hampel
Those words you just read were written by me, Kyle Hampel. I am a 2019 graduate in English. I have strong feelings about barbeque pizza and the Oxford comma. I am a former copy chief, community editor, feature editor, designer and deputy multimedia editor. Beloit, Kansas, is proud to call me their own, along with several other towns I've lived in that aren't as special to me.