OPINION: Five vices to get you through finals week

Let's be honest, who would want to sit through one of these sober? (Courtesy photo by AMEC)

Spring is in the air and students are crying in the library, which can only mean one thing: final exams are upon us. Rather than suffering through them alone, here are five vices you can use to boost your spirits during the worst time of the year.

1. Coffee

A good cup of joe should be about as bright as your future if you fail your finals. (Courtesy photo by Wikimedia Commons)

It’s no secret that coffee is a beloved hallmark of the millennial lifestyle — after all, how many baristas do you know over the age of 40? With finals come late-night study sessions, and coffee is the perfect beverage to give you a handy dose of insomnia. Although too much coffee in a day could prove hazardous to your health, don’t let that stop you from swigging down a cup or two before your 7:30 a.m. final. It might be the difference between a passing grade and a failure.

2. Red wine

Treat yourself to the only alcohol endorsed by God Himself. (Courtesy photo by PxHere)

Many students will no doubt be spending their off-time during finals week in the local bars to drink their problems away. It’s inevitable, but why not show yourself to be a cut above the rest? Alcohol doesn’t get any classier than classic red wine, and the taste will be much more palatable than if you were shotgunning beer and liquor with your friends.

3. Doritos

Geometry would be much more enjoyable if all the triangles had cheese dust on them. (Courtesy photo by Pixabay)

There are many varieties of chips and crisps in the “-itos” family: Cheetos, Fritos, Banditos, Ejercicios Escritos and so on. However, nothing can beat the cheese powder and corn flour in a bag of Doritos. It’s hard to be sad about your finals when you’re busy licking the sweet cheesy goodness of a dozen crunchy Doritos off your fingers, and you can pair your favorite chip flavor with some Mountain Dew for maximum delicious time.

4. Binge-watching season four of the hit cable TV series “Monk”

Who wouldn't want to watch the lovable antics of a San Franciscan detective and his quirky friends? (Courtesy photo by USA Network and Fanart.tv)

While there are many TV shows to enjoy at the press of a button in a post-Netflix world, there’s no better way to procrastinate than watching actor Tony Shalhoub solve crimes in the USA Network’s classic mystery series “Monk.” The show hardly has a bad episode, but the season to watch is obviously season four due to the comic variety and emotional highs and lows throughout its 16 episodes. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry and you’ll forget you ever had any finals to worry about.

5. Sleep

Eight hours well spent. (Courtesy photo by PxHere)

Honestly, getting plenty of rest will probably help you on your finals more than anything else on this list. Sleeping for eight or nine hours a night is one of the best things you can do to keep yourself going in a high pressure situation like finals week.

Or you can just sleep through your finals and call it a day. I’m not the boss of you.

Kyle Hampel is the reviews and opinion editor for the Collegian and a junior in English. The views and opinions expressed in this column are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of the Collegian. Please send comments to opinion@kstatecollegian.com.

Those words you just read were written by me, Kyle Hampel. I am a 2019 graduate in English. I have strong feelings about barbeque pizza and the Oxford comma. I am a former copy chief, community editor, feature editor, designer and deputy multimedia editor. Beloit, Kansas, is proud to call me their own, along with several other towns I've lived in that aren't as special to me.