
ARIES
March 21 – April 19
You will rejoice because you don’t have any final exams, but you will also find out why they call this week “dead week.” Get plenty of rest.

TAURUS
April 20 – May 20
You will reunite with an old friend this week: Sparknotes.com.

GEMINI
May 21 – June 20
Homework will pile up to the ceiling, but professors don’t get paid to grade you on your regrets. Get to work.

CANCER
June 21 – July 22
You will have a relaxing and productive study session in your favorite spot at Hale Library, but alas, it will only be a dream.

LEO
July 23 – Aug. 22
The stars say pajama pants are a winning look for exams. What have you got to lose?

VIRGO
Aug. 23 – Sept. 22
You’re only as old as you feel, but you will unfortunately feel like you’re 87 this week. Maybe you can at least get a senior discount at IHOP.

LIBRA
Sept. 23 – Oct. 22
Coffee will slowly replace your blood as the dominant fluid coursing through your veins.

SCORPIO
Oct. 23 – Nov. 21
Your attempt to submit a restaurant review as a substitute for your final essay will be unsuccessful, but delicious.

SAGITTARIUS
Nov. 22 – Dec. 21
Today’s forecast: cloudy with eight inches of self doubt.

CAPRICORN
Dec. 22 – Jan. 19
Be afraid. Every time you close your eyes this week, you will see it: “Transformers: The Last Knight.” My condolences.

AQUARIUS
Jan. 20 – Feb. 18
I know these next two weeks will be hard, but you need to stay strong and make sure you keep all your clothes on in Aggieville at all times.

PISCES
Feb. 19 – March 20
Why are you still here? The show’s over. Go home.