You will rejoice because you don’t have any final exams, but you will also find out why they call this week “dead week.” Get plenty of rest.
March 21 – April 19
You will reunite with an old friend this week: Sparknotes.com.
April 20 – May 20
Homework will pile up to the ceiling, but professors don’t get paid to grade you on your regrets. Get to work.
May 21 – June 20
You will have a relaxing and productive study session in your favorite spot at Hale Library, but alas, it will only be a dream.
June 21 – July 22
The stars say pajama pants are a winning look for exams. What have you got to lose?
July 23 – Aug. 22
You’re only as old as you feel, but you will unfortunately feel like you’re 87 this week. Maybe you can at least get a senior discount at IHOP.
Aug. 23 – Sept. 22
Coffee will slowly replace your blood as the dominant fluid coursing through your veins.
Sept. 23 – Oct. 22
Your attempt to submit a restaurant review as a substitute for your final essay will be unsuccessful, but delicious.
Oct. 23 – Nov. 21
Today’s forecast: cloudy with eight inches of self doubt.
Nov. 22 – Dec. 21
Be afraid. Every time you close your eyes this week, you will see it: “Transformers: The Last Knight.” My condolences.
Dec. 22 – Jan. 19
I know these next two weeks will be hard, but you need to stay strong and make sure you keep all your clothes on in Aggieville at all times.
Jan. 20 – Feb. 18
Why are you still here? The show’s over. Go home.