Is the slick-as-snot sidewalk standing between you and where you want to be this winter? Fear not! Although ice can be a pain in the butt (both figuratively and literally), these simple techniques will have you slip-sliding your way back home with little bruising to your tailbone or your ego.
1. The Baby Steps
This classic dainty shuffle has you making small steps across treacherous territory. Keep your feet flat and your eyes down to avoid making eye contact with anyone.
2. Fab on Four
One of the better methods, hands down — literally. Get yourself on all fours and try not to regret leaving your bed this morning.
3. The Butt Scoot
You can’t fall down if you’re already on the ground. Plant your cheeks on the street and scoot along to your destination.
4. Chain of Fools
There’s power in numbers. Link arms with the others braving the weather around you and use each other to maintain your balance. Make sure nobody slips, or you’ll all go down together.
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5. The Slip and Split
When your foot shoots out from under you, just roll with it. Hit the splits like the flexible and athletic person that you obviously are, stand up and split again.
6. Fury on Ice
Your sheer rage can propel you to your destination if you stomp all the ice out of existence. Your footsteps will shatter the ice beneath your feet as you stomp like the people who live in the apartment above you. With the band Stomp as your inspiration, you were born to make history.
7. The Salty Student
If you’re in the Student Union, see if you can grab some salt packets. You’ll salt your own sidewalks, even if the only salt you have comes from your attitude.
8. Falling with Style
It’s only over when you hit the ground. If you feel yourself falling, try to do it in, like, a cool way. Maybe do a breakdancing move, or a cool flip. Yell a funny catch phrase? I don’t know what’s cool.
9. The Superman
Hands up, stomach down, can’t lose.
No matter which option you pick, make for the grass. The crunchy texture will keep you upright and moving forward.
Leah Zimmerli is a community editor for the Collegian and a sophomore in mass communications and political science. The views and opinions expressed in this column are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of the Collegian. Please send comments to firstname.lastname@example.org.