K-State to construct another nameless building that isn’t made of limestone

Professional artist's rendering of the proposed Open Option Building. (Photo illustration by Kyle Hampel | Collegian Media Group)

As part of a deal with several local construction companies and architecture firms, administrators at Kansas State University announced today that another new building is being constructed on the Manhattan campus without a single limestone brick in the entire project plan.

The building, currently being referred to as the Open Option Building due to lacking a real name, is expected to be finished in 2024, according to a press release included in the April 1 edition of K-State Today.

“We wanted to take our time with this project so we could get everything right on the first try,” the release reads. “At K-State, we believe a university education is meant to prepare you for the real world, and forcing students to deal with our construction projects for five years builds character like nothing else ever could.”

The press release also included a message from John Doe, dean of the College of Indecision, regarding the project’s goals.

“We wanted this building to reflect the character of K-State graduates,” Doe said in the release. “Ultimately, the visionaries behind the project decided a massive transparent structure that sticks out from miles away is the perfect facsimile for our standout graduates.”

Concept renderings released today indicate that the Open Option Building will be placed in the middle of the Quad. The building, which the release described as “totally out of place on campus,” is planned to resemble a large glass box from the outside, with a large satellite antenna on top.

Plans for funding the project are already underway with two fundraising galas scheduled for fall 2019 and spring 2020. The building’s funding goal is currently set at $7.5 million, most of which will be spent on the plethora of windows.

The building’s eventual namesake will be decided in an unusual way compared to other recent K-State construction projects.

“Normally, we try to name buildings after university figures or big fundraising donors,” Doe said over the phone. “For the Open Option Building, we’re trying out a new system where the building will be named after whoever wins the poker tournament at our last fundraising gala.”

Doe added that he is already “practicing a mean poker face” in the mirror to increase the chance of naming the building Doe Hall.

Doe declined to comment on why the building will be constructed without any limestone, but anonymous sources close to Doe said he has described limestone as “totally lame” in private conversations, and he prefers to call it “lamestone” during meetings.

Those words you just read were written by me, Kyle Hampel. I am a 2019 graduate in English. I have strong feelings about barbeque pizza and the Oxford comma. I am a former copy chief, community editor, feature editor, designer and deputy multimedia editor. Beloit, Kansas, is proud to call me their own, along with several other towns I've lived in that aren't as special to me.