Slightly Sarcastic Horoscopes: Week of April 1



March 21 – April 19

You will soon find true love and feel utter bliss every day. Stay true to yourself.


April 20 – May 20

This week is going to be a good one for you, with food, friends and more. Just you wait and see.


May 21 – June 20

It’s a big world out there, and I know it might seem scary, but I just know you’ll be able to take your talents far.


June 21 – July 22

Has anyone told you how perfect your smile is? Don’t let anyone dull your sparkle this week.


July 23 – Aug. 22

The week ahead might seem tough, but taking care of your business one day at a time will make everything better.


Aug. 23 – Sept. 22

The world shines a little brighter because you’re in it. Share that light with others this week, and see how good things can be.


Sept. 23 – Oct. 22

Stress is something we all have to deal with, but you’re strong enough to make it for another seven days. Spread your wings and fly.


Oct. 23 – Nov. 21

Wisdom has always come so naturally to you, and I just know you’ll be appreciated for it this week.


Nov. 22 – Dec. 21

Your body is a temple, and you are its steward. Any exercise you get is a magnificent blessing for yourself.


Dec. 22 – Jan. 19

It’s okay to be nervous, but you have the courage inside you to ask that person out. Try it this week and see what wondrous places life will take you.


Jan. 20 – Feb. 18

You have the power inside you to love others as much as dogs love you. Cherish it.


Feb. 19 – March 20

Life has its ups and downs like any good roller coaster, but for you, expect a lot of ups this week. Raise your arms and enjoy the ride.

Those words you just read were written by me, Kyle Hampel. I am a 2019 graduate in English. I have strong feelings about barbeque pizza and the Oxford comma. I am a former copy chief, community editor, feature editor, designer and deputy multimedia editor. Beloit, Kansas, is proud to call me their own, along with several other towns I've lived in that aren't as special to me.