In a move that took the Kansas State community by surprise, the university announced Monday that it had concluded its search for a new administrator to replace Pat Bosco, retiring vice president of student life and dean of students, before the search had even really begun.
At a press conference in Bosco Plaza attended by most top-level university administrators, with the notable exception of Bosco, President Richard Myers introduced the search committee’s new pick: Mat Mosco, who was also at the conference.
“I am beyond pleased to announce the hiring of Mat,” Myers said. “I’m not too familiar with the details, but Mat comes to us after a 50-year career at another Big 12 institution. It’s so strange I’ve never heard of Mat before, but he comes highly recommended by our very own Pat Bosco, so I’m inclined to trust his judgement.”
The tall, mustachioed Mosco, wearing an all-purple suit, then took the podium. He spoke just as much with his hands as he did with his voice.
“K-State? Hadn’t even heard of it before yesterday,” Mosco said through clenched teeth. “I’ve liked it enough in the few hours I’ve been here, though. The Purple Pride at Call — err, I mean, the purple ice cream at that one place — is to die for.”
When asked by a member of the press how he had found a custom purple suit so quickly, Mosco said he found it “in the back of a broom closet” earlier today.
“I actually … hate the color purple,” Mosco said, wincing with every word. “It’s just not me.”
Several audience members reported seeing Mosco taking off a conspicuous, purple-stoned class ring during his speech.
When asked if he thought it’d be difficult to step into the shoes of a man who had lived and breathed K-State for the past half century, Mosco said he was “absolutely certain” both he and Bosco shared the same shoe size.
At press time, Bosco could not be reached for comment on his replacement.